Falling for the Spiritual Glass of Champagne?
Right now I feel sad and hurt, the whole last week I have felt sad and hurt. The protective voice in me tells me not to write about it and especially not to post it on social media. That is where I am suppose to look like the person living an awesome, successful life — and being sad and hurt isn’t quite part of that story. Or is it?
I find myself sleeping a lot. A physically healthy adult doesn’t need 12–14 hours of sleep. I am trying to listen to and be gentle to my body and offer as much sleep as my body possible wants. I find myself crying, not being able to stop. I never cry. But I do now. So I let myself cry. And feel the healthiness of releasing this ocean of sadness and hurt. I ask myself what I am crying about and let the words flow in my journal.
The promise to myself and the stretch at this time in my life, is to be more seen for who I am. There is plenty of joy in my life and I am mostly enjoying and appreciating the big and small, the exceptional and ordinary, moments I am offered and I create. My joy is walking hand in hand with sorrow. I carry a lot of it.
When the sadness comes along I am tempted to fix it. Change my emotional state of mind to being happy and to enjoy. We all cope with it differently, we can reach out to a friend who is cheering us up, we may have a glass of champagne or extraordinary red wine or try to diminish the cause of our sadness “it’s not important!” “s/he is not worth your company!”. It helps us pretend we are fine for a while.
In slightly more conscious circles there are lots of ways to neglect sorrow. We may go to yoga, have the most nutritious smoothie, meditate, listen to Robbie Williams “ I Love my Life”, stand in front of the mirror and say we love ourselves or even take a power position.
All of the above feel like great ways of coping with sadness (or any other draining feeling) on a short term. Like putting a band aid on an open wound. Very handy! But it also is a way of tricking ourselves: covering up the unpleasant, not really dealing with it. At some point the band aid falls off or we get another open wound and we need to find a new band aid. So we create a new moment in life, have another lollipop to help us reach the momentarily feeling of happiness. And another one… And we believe that we have found the formula for a happy and awesome life. It makes me question our blindness; how much does this make us slaves for creating these moments and activities in order to feel happy and joyful?
The sadness and feeling of being hurt is unpleasant and taking lots of energy from me. I am also starting to see it as a gift. How many times have I been offered the possibility of going deep into my sorrow and feeling hurt and yet just had “a spiritual glass of champagne”? Quite a few! A current situation has triggered an invitation to not only face the current feelings of sorrow and being hurt but also opening up an ocean of suppressed and forgotten small traumas of my life. The feelings of not being loved and appreciated, not being seen, not being the special one that has full allowance to shine without needing to make an effort to take that place.
Diving into early childhood and accessing my unconscious mind to heal and release these wounds requires a safe, grounded, loving and powerful space. I feel enormously grateful for having a solid circle of people with whom I have intimate, powerful and mutually loving and trusting relationships. In times of transformation, of being reborn I need that mutual space of pure and unselfish love.
I am in a process not knowing where this is taking me, and feel the significance and timeliness of dealing with these aspects of my life that has held me back from allowing myself to be seen and enter the stage with dignity. I am staying with the uncomfortable, the unpleasant, saying no to the temptation of that glass of champagne and know this too will pass and help me create a new version of me.
I encourage you to look at your life and any conscious or unconscious spiritual glasses of champagne you are tempted to have?