This is only an observation. Like you, the sex scenes were effecting me differently then they normally would. It took me a while to notice what was different. Eventually I figured it out, cinematically where they would film the woman, in outlander it is usually the man. Facial expression, camera position but also sexual roles. It was for sure established in the first episode(steamy Castle Leoch scenes with Frank) that Claire knows what she wants when it comes to sex and is comfortable with it all so Jamie’s lack of experience makes it even easier to do so. And let’s not forget the season finale scene between captain Jack Black and Jamie…I’m just going to say it, rape scene. I have never seen anything like that before.
Side note: My husband actually was mortified as he walked into the room and that scene was on the tv. I would like to insert that my husband is a wonderful caring man who champions woman’s rights, but when I looked at his shock at what he was watching I threw out the question “is the rape scene worse because it’s a man.” He instinctively answered yes. So a whole discussion ensued about how we have been conditioned to think a certain way about rape and film and tv helped shape it…. I would love to read something about that scene on medium.