Best Advice I Was Ever Given

Heidi McGinty
Nov 3 · 3 min read
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

People talked about the birth, changing nappies, sleepless nights, breast feeding, routines and all about different schools.

But no one told you what it would really be like to be a parent.

Or were we told and we just simply were not ready to hear it; until our gifts of joy arrived into the world?

Can we be told what it is to be a parent or do we need to experience it to fully understand the complexities?

I can remember when it was time to make a decision about schooling for my children.

Which school should they go to?

Which type of school is best?

Should I consider home-schooling?

My mind was filled with multiple questions.

My husband and I decided we should visit a few schools. During a school tour the head teacher pointed to a room and said, ‘This is where we support children with special needs and extra sessions.’

I distinctly remember thinking, ‘I don’t think I need to know where the special needs room is, I don’t need to be worrying about that, my son won’t need extra support!’

Three years later, my son was sitting in that very room attending extra sessions for his spellings. At seven years old, he needed extra support.

At a parent’s evening a teacher suggested my son had dyslexia or he may have Irlen. If you have not heard of it, Irlen is a perceptual processing disorder. It is not an optical problem. It is a problem with the brain’s ability to process visual information.

I was completely side blinded. I’ve been a teacher for ten years; how could I have missed this? The teacher suggested I have my son assessed for dyslexia. This raised a number of alarm bells.

Surely, there is a myriad of reasons why his spelling is slightly under average at seven years old.

So being the diligent mum, we went ahead and had all the Irlen tests done. As I observed the testing process, I realised that there was limited science behind the test results, it came down to whether the child liked the colour of tint and if they felt it helped them. This got me wondering about my son’s compliance and whether his responses were to please me, the Irlen’s specialist or even the school. As it turns out, after spending hundreds of pounds, he did not have Irlen.

This experience with the Irlen warned me not to rush into dyslexia testing. Instead I took action and placed the power back into my own hands. I decided to set up English lessons at GradeBusters, but that is another story. To cut a long story short, my son attended GradeBusters English until his GCSE English exams, aged 16. I am delighted to report that his spelling issue disappeared by age 10 and that there are no signs of dyslexia in my son, he took his English GCSE a year early and passed.

As you see things aren’t always what they seem and this is one of the lessons I learnt being a parent.

Criticism of your child’s ability can always be difficult for any parent. During my training as a teacher, when I wasn’t a parent, I received the best advice ever.

I was advised, ‘Whenever you have to discuss awkward subjects or give tricky news to a parent about their child, you must always keep in the back of your mind, that you are talking about the most important and precious thing they have in their life.’

I have never forgotten this advice and I have used it wisely. This care, attention and consideration is required to make sure your message is loud and clear, yet non-judgemental.

I have learnt that raising children is not a formulated plan that runs to a meticulous schedule. Your children are their own force of nature. Your dreams, aspirations and goals for them are not necessarily going to be achieved when and how you want.

I am interested to know,

‘What have you learnt from being a parent?’

‘What was the best advice you have ever been given?’

Please feel free to make a comment below and let me know if any of this resonates with you.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

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