WOW! Here’s a Quick Way to Joy … Today!
Today, I was training teachers in a secondary school on Attachment Based Mentoring. This course aims to meet the needs of children by a significant adult in school. This adult will become a key attachment figure and provide a secure base, as well as support in developing skills and understanding for the child.
During the training we watched a video called, ‘The secret life of babies: Hours old baby mimics sticking tongue out.’ This video can be found on YouTube — see below.
I have lost count the number of times I have watched this video and each time it fills me with the same level of joy. The video is about 20 seconds long, but yet captures the essence of connection. In the video you witness physical and emotional connection, responsiveness, expression, interaction, attuning, interest, play and fun.
At the training, a work colleague, John, joined me to accompany me in the delivery of the 3-day course. With 10 minutes to go, before the training was due to start, John rushed in to the classroom. He was not his usual self.
On a typical day, John is calm and relaxed, but today was different. He seemed slightly dishevelled and flustered, but yet relieved at the same time, as if he had just experienced a moment of awareness and joy.
He apologised for his late arrival and began to divulge the personal challenges he was currently experiencing. He was particularly under pressure because his wife was working in New York for a week and he had the responsibility of the school run, which his wife would normally do.
He began to fill up with a strong surge of emotion, as he began to describe what had happened, when he dropped his ten-year-old daughter off at school this morning.
At the school gate drop off point there is a long fence that runs alongside the road as the parents drive away from the school. This section of the road is about twenty metres long. As John started to slowly drive away, he spotted his daughter following the car and peering through the fence, smiling, blowing kisses and waving at him.
This morning, John was feeling particularly vulnerable with all the other pressures going on in his life. Watching his daughter, triggered a strong wave of emotion. Just as he reached the end of the fence, he looked at his daughter again, where she pouted her lips and thrust an air kiss towards him. At the same time, she made a heart shape with her hands. John felt a huge rush of overwhelming love and admiration for his daughter. John fought back the tears as he tried to compose himself for his journey to the training course. It was at this point where he realised all his worries were insignificant compared to that moment of connection with his daughter. He immediately stopped worrying and stressing as he marvelled in the utter joy of his daughter’s gestures and interaction. This wonderful emotion helped to regulate John and he began to feel a wave of calmness and joy.
John’s story is a fabulous example of connection and finding immediate joy. During that moment, as John and his daughter looked at each other during the drive along the school fence, was a moment or true connection. Nothing else in the world mattered or stole their attention. When connection like this happens, we know this stimulates oxytocin. When oxytocin is released it helps to calm behaviour. This is exactly what happened to John. The connection with his daughter enabled John to recalibrate and regulate himself and find joy in that moment. Just like the video of the new born baby, John and his daughter experienced; physical and emotional connection, responsiveness, expression, interaction, attuning, interest, play and fun.
Research shows that as we develop and grow the content advances, but the interaction skill remains the same, as first used by the infant and caregiver in the video. Repeated experience of connection supports neurological development and helps with positive feelings about yourself. This leads to joy and happiness.
Can you think of a time when you experienced a strong connection?
What did it feel like?
Does your child display big behaviours that are challenging to manage? By exploring connection this can help to meet their needs and bring calmness and joy into yours and their life.
Think of someone who you care about and next time you see them, make a quick gesture; a wave, smile or even a kiss. See what happens to the joy it will bring.
Watch the new born baby video:
