Hoops and jumping
Sent email to the woman who is helping me to navigate this diagnosis and explained that I was confused as I thought that was a diagnosis appointment. She explained that this was the next step on the ladder — once they mark in their report that they feel I warrant continued diagnosis I will be ready for the next hoop.
What a huge relief. I have been so teary all day, not sure if that is all of it, or if it’s still working through all of the stress and shame that the testing yesterday stirred up — but I am emotional and trying to sit with it and not over-react or vent my emotions through anger or frustration. There have been a few times today when I could feel all of the energy want to burst out of me when something stuck, or gave me resistence, the jeans tangled coming out of the washer and I had the urge to whip them all over the laundry room. Those kind of reactions are just on the surface.
I had to stop myself, close my eyes and just breathe through the unsettledness and feel my body unclench and loosen back up.
Most of all I didn’t want to punish or take it out on those around me. I was successful in that and I go to sleep without any amends or apologies to make. Thankful.