Introvert is the new black

I remember when I heard the term introvert. I am a talkative autistic, not one who holds things back — so I assumed it was always my job to be talkative and social. It was so exhausting. When I finally understood that it was about energy I gave myself permission to set down the cruise director clip board and just be myself.

It’s been very therapeutic for me. Before I always felt lonely, even in a crowd. Especially in a crowd. Once I understood that it was about recharging yourself I began to understand solitude — and fell in love with it. Solitude turned my loneliness into joy. I never knew I could really relish being alone. But I did, and I do and am so grateful for the incredible gift it has given me, especially now that I understand I am autistic.

It keeps me from meltdowns. From spreading myself so thin that I cannot catch up. I find now that I have the time to think, expand and grow at my own pace and not worry that I am keeping up with anyone.

I know it’s almost overdone, but I am so grateful to understand that I don’t have to be the class clown or the entertainment for the night. I can just be myself and withdraw when necessary with no apologies. It’s very freeing.