Being A Decent Human Being Is As Easy As Saying “Thank You” to Others.

“Being Nice Takes Work. That’s Why I Really Like People Who Are Nice.”
-Casey Neistat
One day, when i was in a supermarket, i was searching for a good 500 mililiters of sweet, refreshing cola, but i can’t find it. So i ask the store clerk for the cola, and she points the cooler display that i was passing by a few times. Stupid me. I paid attention for her direction, but what i kinda nitpicky about is, she isn’t smiling. Her face shows exhaustions, her feet keeps moving as a sign of standing for too long. So, i try to make her smile a little bit by showing my expression of gratitude by seeing her right in the eye, and say “oh, how stupid of me, thank you so much for helping me!”. I ran to the cooler for that heavenly sugary cola, while waving my hand and still looking into her. She smiled brightly and laugh a bit. What a way to make her day again.
Nowadays, so many people didn’t say thank you and just go away minding their own business, after being served by a cashier in a minimarkets, waiter/ waitress at a restaurant, salesperson at the electronic stores, or even when being helped by strangers on the road. I didn’t found it rude or something, maybe people have their own problems so they are forget to say that, or many reasons behind it. But, maybe we can start to appreciate more, saying how grateful we are, and just say a simple “thank you” to people who helped us, regardless of what’s on our mind. Why? because actually it has a positive effects on ourselves, and the people who we say thank you to. And besides, people will look to you and think that you are a decent human being, maybe made their faith in humanity restored, a bit, maybe.
So, according to positive psychologist, saying “thank you” is no longer just a matter of good manner, it actually have a benefit on our mind. Studies have suggested that it improves well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationship, produce positive emotional states, and help us cope with stressful times in our lives. As for the others that hears it, they will know that we value what they’ve done to us and encourage them to help us again in the future.
And that is the aspect that Grant and Gino want to show us on their studies that published on 2010, called Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So, the research is taking 69 participants to help a fictitious person called Eric, by email, and then they receive the reply email from Eric for further help. But here’s the twist, half of the email will includes the expressions of gratitude, like saying thank you, while the rest of the half don’t. Gino and Grant want to see the effect of “thank you” message that includes in the email.
The results? 100% of participants that being sent a “thank you” message will help more for Eric. Why? In fact, it has nothing to do with complicated things like boosting self-esteem and other complicated “psychological” jargons., but it simply because they appreciated being needed, and felt more socially valued when they’d being thanked. That feeling of social values help us overcomes internal and external factors of stop helping others, and saying thank you proves that their help is valued and motivates the to provide more helping in the future.
Further research showed that it has the effects of helping other people. So, the researchers sent another email one day after being thanked by Eric, another person right now named “Steven”. Steven ask for the help, and 55% people responded and help Steven. It shows that the boost was carried over to the next day, and to another person. The third and fourth studies uses face-to-face approach rather than email. The results? increase up to 50% in the third research, and 15% in the fourth one. This shows that the effect of gratitude depends on the situations.
This research mostly looked on strangers saying thank you. It’s likely that the effect of saying thank you on prosocial behavior is more “potent” on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.
Other theory, proposed by Sara Algoe, a US psychologist from University of North Carolina, is “find-remind-and bind” theory. The theory consists of:
- the initiation of new social relationship (a find function)
- orients people to existing social relationship (a remind function)
- promotes maintain of and investment in this relationships (a bind function)
So the point in this theory is, gratitude serves a huge purpose on making new social relationships with strangers, strengthen our existing relationships with relatives, and makes us know that the relationships starts with being kind like saying and expressing our gratitudes towards others.
Furthermore, there are seven benefits, as summarized by Forbes, scientifically proven, of expressing gratitudes, and that seven things are:
- Gratitudes open the door to more relationships
- Gratitudes improves physical health
- Gratitudes improves psychological health
- Gratitude enhances empathy and reduces aggressions
- Grateful people sleep better
- Gratitude improves self- esteem
- Gratitude improves mental strength
So, that is the benefits of saying thank you and expressing your gratitudes to others. Besides making other people happy, being needed, and being valued socially, actually it makes you happy too, so i guess it is a win-win solution isn’t it? So start say thank you, be a decent human being, and spread the joy!
