17

17, yes 17 would have been a milestone. But I guess not. My whole life I’ve never really had friends. I mean up until 17 the magical age. In all honesty I never really had parents, I do have a mom and a dad I’m not the by product of a lab experiment or anything of that magnitude. But I just don’t feel connected I don’t trust them they make me feel like life doesn’t matter that I’m worthless. At least they remind me everyday. Nothing positive comes out there mouth. Like honestly they call me names like “MotherFucking Asshole”, “Scumbag” ,” Loser Asshole”, “Your a Drug addict”, “Your brain is gone”, “Your Retarded”, “You have no friends.” Honestly if it’s an insult they have called me it. They can never take a joke and anytime I try to start small talk I get yelled at, they like to use the fact that they were born in a foreign nation like they are better parents or better anything of that matter like there culture and there traditions help raise strong smart children but that’s simply not true cause if it was true their country wouldn’t be so fucked up with corruption, murder, and drugs addicts. This was supposed to be the day I showed my parents wrong that I had friends. But nope they told me I can’t have the party cause they want me to play music without bad words like wtf they are always telling me that I’m not living in reality because I do drugs, clearly there living in a fantasy cause no fucking kid wants to hear songs without bad words. So I told her that, she called the cops. Then the cops came talked to both of us then told her she was wrong. Then I got kicked out. And people tell me all the time “why don’t you just live with your dad” well let me tell you why. I want actual parents, parents that understand. Parents that I can talk to, parents that will just talk to me about happy stuff and ask me how I’m doing. But I can’t have that, I wont have that. And that’s why I’m lost in life. So as you can see 17 would have been more than just a birthday party. It would have been my birth. My real upbringing. But that’s all gone now. I’m fading away. And soon enough I’ll be just another statistic. Another study and soon enough someone will ask “why, what led to this.” The stress is too much. I control to much in this life. I hold to much in even though I tell the world everything. I’m like a ziplock bag with a tiny hole with water dripping out but as it’s dripping out more water is coming in essentially causing no change in volume. My stress just stays the same to the point that I can only sleep 2–4 hours a night. And since yesterday I’ve been having auditory hallucinations and it’s scary. I’m scared. And I’m lost and I’m fading. Someone help me.. I don’t want to talk I want someone to help me some how please

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