Behaviour: just the tip of the iceberg.
I learnt two new things about icebergs today:
- The part above the water is called the ‘hummock’ and the part below the water is called a ‘bummock’.
- The hummock makes up only 10% of the iceberg, it’s the bummock that’s the other 90%.
In relation to behaviour, many of you will have come across the iceberg analogy which highlights that whilst we see the hummock there is so much more going on beneath the surface that isn’t immediately apparent (the 90%).
Thinking more specifically about behaviour that challenges, the hummock might be your child running off or hurting themselves or others. It can be tempting and feel necessary to focus time and energy on trying to control and change the behaviour at this level.
And you might be successful, you might find a strategy that stops that particular behaviour, but there are two things to remember here:
- Whilst with challenging behaviour the hummock can feel challenging to those around the child, that same behaviour tells us that a child is being challenged by a situation, demand or experience. You may be understandably struggling with the 10% above the water as you try to keep your child and others safe. However, your child is trying to grapple with the 90% that’s under the water. If efforts to change behaviour by focusing on the hummock are successful, whilst the challenge to those around your child may have reduced, that doesn’t address or reduce the challenge that the situation, demand or experience poses for your child.
This point is illustrated effectively by Emily Hammond from @neurowild in the drawing below:
2. Because the underlying issue (the bummock) hasn’t been addressed, sooner or later, the need will present in a new way which, from my experience, will probably be a different but equally challenging behaviour (whether that challenge is experienced by your child or by those around them). As such, whilst addressing behaviour by focusing on the hummock can create short-term relief (for one party at least), it’s not a long term solution.
But there is another way. Behaviour that challenges is indicative of an underlying, unmet need or needs. It is these needs that form the bummock and which are, whilst not immediately apparent, very much present. When we focus our efforts on unpicking and understanding what’s driving a behaviour we can identify those unmet need/s and put strategies in place which are supportive of meeting them.
In doing this we not only reduce the challenge your child is experiencing but also, as the unmet need is no longer driving the behaviour, reduce or resolve the behaviour itself.
Dr Ross Greene asserts that ‘kids do well when they can’ and in my experience this is absolutely the case. When time and energy is focused on implementing support that addresses unmet needs it’s possible to enable children to do well and life can start to feel easier and calmer for both you and them
If you’re not sure where to start or need support to unpick what’s driving your child’s behaviour so you can start to find a way forwards, I can help. I support parents at the start of their SEND journey to understand their child’s needs and behaviour in order to support and advocate calmly, confidently and effectively without burning out.
To find out more message me at hello@jodiewarren.com or join my free facebook community for parents at the start of the SEND journey: https://www.facebook.com/groups/494084106196561/?ref=share
To find more illustrations by Neurowild visit: https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Browse/Search:neurowild or find Emily at: https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_/
