We only know a good a thing when it’s gone

Day 1 of #100DaysofWritingHonestly for #The100DaysProject

I’ve been watching Gossip Girls the entire time I was suppose to be writing this post. I just discovered Netflix and just starting S1 of GG. I can’t believe I didn’t care for it before. Rich girls lives are such drama.

At one point in in the story, Nate started missing Blair, his ex girlfriend who he was trying to break from all this entire time. And they did break up. And after an episode, they got back together again. The only difference this time around is that now Blair is entertaining someone else and she’s not too caught up with how her boyfriend Nate is doing anymore.

She doesn’t check his wardrobe anymore to match hers. She doesn’t ask him to be with him longer after their date. In fact, he insists they separate ways right after. And instead of brewing all her attention to him, now she’s got a new textmate she’s very much into.

And that had Nate really jealous.

It’s so stupid. Why is human nature like this? We like people who don’t like us, or someone we can’t have. So in good faith, we woo them. And when we do get them, they lose their value for us over time and take them for granted.

And only when we don’t have their full attention anymore do we remember that they were really someone to miss. And that they were someone who really mattered in our lives before.

Why can’t we just be grateful for the things we do have?

Yes, I’m still reflecting on my recent ex. Why couldn’t I have seen the ways he tried to be there for me? But at the same time, why couldn’t he have seen the way he was wasn’t working for me either.

I know! I know! Communication is key! But it’s so hard to communicate when you don’t feel like you could. During the hard times, I couldn’t remember why I was with him.

His quality that I loved the most before — hardworking, committed — became part of the reasons I couldn’t take it anymore. Married to work, and too mature for my silly little insecurities.

They say find someone you could talk to, because when you’re old, conversations are all you’re going to have. I want to be best friend with my future husband. I don’t think I really want to look right now (or at all or ever). I’m disappointed. Because I really did imagine us together having dinner each night and having family dinner together with our kids.

I just have to accept it’s over.