She said, “Clear the filters. You’ve narrowed it down too far. There are not enough options to browse.”
It was ten days ago when my wife and I were looking for babies on Amazon.
Amazon Crane is the new Amazon Prime feature available only in the US for ordering babies. You can select any baby from thousands of options. I will not go to the details of the options because some people think that it’s discriminative. Maybe it is, but it is also very convenient. You can have it delivered to your home or office in two days — free for Prime members.
She said, “Send it to my office. The packages are disappearing from our apartment recently. I spoke with the couple living upstairs who have a dog with long nails. Their last 2 packages were disappeared too, and they are suspecting it can be the super. We should write to the management. Not about the super though. I like him.”
We add the baby to our shopping cart. I kissed her on the cheek; she kissed me back, and we hit checkout.
She posted a photo of the box on her Instagram stories with a slider that has the heart eyes emoji exactly after two days. The box was a huge one. I’ve responded to her post with a link to the blog where people post the photos of their Amazon packages when there is a massive package for a tiny thing like an earbud. I wrote her not to open the box. I wanted to shoot an unwrapping video for the YouTube channel that I had started 3 weeks ago. Also, it was our baby. I wanted to share the pleasure of unwrapping with her and protect her from types of Amazon boxes that may cut her fingers. We were doing this together. I had to be there for her.
It was a fantastic looking baby. We gave 4 stars rating because they wrapped it’s diaper upside down and there was a bit of poo in the box.
Days passed. We realized having a baby was more difficult then we expected. The baby was not able to stay at home when we were out, having dinner in our favorite restaurant right around the corner from our apartment. We choose our neighborhood just to be close to our favorite restaurants, and we are paying for it. But now, this new baby didn’t let us go for dinner even 3 nights a week.
We had to find another grocery store too. Because the baby didn’t like Trader Joe’s vegetable dumplings and there were no diapers in TJ’s.
Baby’s sleep and crying sessions were very unpredictable. It distracted our binge-watch of the new season of the Netflix special.
So after 16 days we decided to return the baby.
I forgot to mention, there were 40 days no questions asked, money-back guarantee. Oh, I love Amazon. They are also doing quite a good job of recycling the returned products. At least they have promised so.
As always it was quite easy to return the baby. I didn’t even need to talk with the customer service. I was able to claim the refund and print the return label on my account. The only problem was that we recycled the box, so we got to find a new one. I remembered that I had ordered a pair of swim fins the day before for the upcoming summer and I was able to use the same box to return.
I’ve put our darling in the box of the swim fins, wrap the box with the blue type that I took from the office (I wrapped three times to be safe). I wrote fragile with my sharpie that I bought to make sharpie art on our bathroom wall and stick the return label on the box.
We had a little argument to decide if she or I will take the box to the UPS. We both bike to work and one of us had to take the subway to drop the baby to the UPS that day. As a responsible father, I took the duty. It was August in New York City. The stations were too hot, and the trains were too cold.
