In Praise of Singleness
If you know me, you know that I speak fondly of singleness, and everything that comes with it. Yeah, independence may come naturally to me, but I dream of finding that person just like anyone else. Sometimes I thrive in my singleness and other times I don’t. I’m human. I’m a dreamer. I’m a planner. I see what I want and make plans to get it. (90% of which don’t work out, but it puts my mind at ease to think ahead)
I mean, let’s be real though. Being single is HARD sometimes. It freakin sucks. Some days the loneliness hits hard, and there’s nothing to do but sit in it and become comfortable with yourself and only yourself.
But here’s the thing: You are single because God has chosen to BLESS, yes bless you, with the gift of singleness. Singleness is a unique calling. I don’t always feel fondly of singleness, but through prayer and growth God reminds me how beautiful that gift is, and I go back to appreciating it. Just like with any other gift in this life — we humans don’t always appreciate them like we should. We take them for granted, something dramatic happens, and then we realize how good we’ve got it. And singleness, just like marriage, is a gift. Not a means to an end. He is not punishing you, he has not forgotten you, he is not waiting for you to reach some threshold of holiness. He is giving you the gift of being with Him as a single person, as a person with out attachment to another human being. He is teaching you about the real source of joy, of intimacy, of fulfillment. If you squander your time as a single person trying to find the one, you will miss the gift. Stop arranging your life around finding the one. Stop wallowing in your loneliness. You’ll miss what God has for you.
Instead, ask God what he wants to do through you. Maybe he’s wanting you to learn how to build deep friendships, to pour into learning how to be a good friend. (But please don’t ditch that if you do find your person) Maybe He wants you to learn how to build an effective, Christ-like community. Or pour into the souls of your co-workers or clients. Read your Bible. Study it for YOU and your sake. Do not use reading your Bible or going to church as a mating call. Don’t be afraid to do things solo. YOU ARE FINE BY YOURSELF. YOU CAN GO TO CHURCH BY YOURSELF. YOU CAN DO THINGS BY YOURSELF. You can do life with out a spouse. I promise.
Learn how to be alone, and you’ll find the simple joys that come with it. One of the best things that has happened for my relationship with God has been being single. And I’m talking no boyfriend, no prospects, nothing. Just me and my Heavenly Father. No distractions. I had to look my loneliness square in the face and let myself feel it. And then I told God I needed Him. That opened the doors to a deep and solid relationship with him that I worked on everyday. I learned how to hear him, how to rely on him, how to trust him. I learned who I was. But by being alone I mean being comfortable with yourself. Because we never actually have to face the world alone. We have the one who is love himself.
Yes, want marriage. Yes, want children. Want intimacy and connection. Those desires are valid. But I challenge you. In the midst of your loneliness and longing I challenge you to wait on your loving Lord. Right in the depths of your desire, please wait. Wait for the man who sees you. Who cherishes your soul, by putting his Lord first and letting that flow into his relationship with you. Into how he sees you, how he treats you. Because someone who loves God first, will see you like God does. Not through the lense of culture or lust.
So my friend, wait well by loving your gift. Live in praise of singleness. Enjoy his gift and seek his will for your life. Because He’s good to those who wait on him and seek him first.
“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” Lamentations 3:25 ESV