Feeling Unloved? One Reason to Explain (And How to Get Rid of It)
I was sitting with my teammates for a round table discussion in a session. It was a bright sunny day. I remembered we were discussing about what kind of story should we perform for a class performance. It went very well i guess until I speak up my mind and explain my idea chronologically. I get this idea from a book i read couple years ago which also changed my perspective about so many things. Not only I told them the main idea but also I point out every single detail. Between fourth and fifth minutes or so, I saw my teammates was not paying attention, some are just looking at their phone, talking to each other. In that moment, I’ve came to the conclusion that I don’t deserve their attention. I highly respect my teammates, we hang out a lot. But after that discussion, I second guessed myself.
That situation got me wondering where is love. Think about it for a second, have you ever feel the same?
These feelings and questions can be more than heartbreaking. In fact, they can be soul-damaging. A person who feels unloved may not just be sad or unhappy; and such feelings can lead to despair or worse. But keep in mind that the absence of someone’s love is not the absence of your lovability. The other person, maybe your family or significant others, might not have the capacity of giving. So YOU are clearly not in the wrong side at all.
Often what we do is putting our feelings to be examined by others. This can be seen as clingy or lack of self-confidence. But that is the result of distress and nobody can get rid of it unless yourself. These individuals guard their feelings with a fortress of defenses to prevent injury to their fragile egos. In my case, i know now that I am capable of giving more and the other person is incapable of receiving them.
In realizing that, i am capable to put myself back up and remind myself that i need to do something. Here are some tips to overcome the feeling of Unloved
Start small and start now
The easiest way to overcome this feeling is to acknowledge what it does to you. If you have been paying attention to your feelings you can start writing it on a piece of paper to clear your head. Another way is to point out what makes you think the particular way.
Next, have the will to resolve this feeling. Because feeling unloved affects you in some ways which can include discouragement, anxiety and other mixed feelings. In fact, tell yourself how you are not supposed to made felt that way. This is so important. No matter what you do, you should be your own priority.
Learn to accept yourself
Self-compassion is the only way to forever getting rid of it. The deeper love you have for yourself, the harder it is for you to feel unloved. Most of the time we feel unloved when we need validation from others. That is why you need to start loving yourself. If you pay attention, there are many people who does not want themselves. Chances are, they do not respect themselves. From now on love you more than anyone.
I was lucky enough to know that even my closest friends have at least one thing we are insecure about. That’s okay because we are human. What’s not okay is looking down on somebody. So, from now on let’s focus on loving yourself!