Lack of feeling

The pressure builds up


A headache

No release

My heart yet to open up


I want to feel

But I can’t

I feel so closed off


Emotions escape me

Like glitter sprinkling from the sky

Disappear into the rough


The cold snow hits the ground

Immediately covers it up


My face hurts

It’s tense

I want my heart to open up


Shut tight

I lay here at night

Fail to fall asleep


Under a warm snuggly blanket

Deep sleep meditation

Pick up my phone to keep writing

No luck


Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel

Maybe the next day

Maybe when they hold the remembrance potluck


Maybe when I land back in The City yet again

But for now I won’t try to pretend


Feeling escapes me

It hides

It runs away

I’m in fear


I want to live in love

But it requires vulnerability

Willingness to lose the people I hold most dear


Part of me wants to detach

To push away

To not love

In fear of loss


My biggest fear

Suicide of a friend

A shadow it has cast


My heart from red

To grey like stone

It’s so rare to feel this side of me


My way of coping

It hurts but doesn’t



Lack of feeling

Ripples through the inside of me

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