I Died Yesterday
I died yesterday and my TL’s been buzzing, but somehow, there’s this celestial-terrestial division rule that spirits aren’t meant to break. What that basically means is that I can’t reply my mentions in this dead state. Bummer! I like my new body however, surreal, ethereal, unreal, think of all words ending in -real. All I have to do to be anywhere is to think about it. The angel that came to tell me i’m dead listed a bunch of rules. After 3 days, i’ll be moved to a different universe. I can do anything i want on earth in that period. That’s some dope stuff. Being dead isn’t that bad. Okay, don’t let me bore you with dead people stuff. Let me tell you what’s up with my social media.
- On Facebook, my secondary school classmates are posting pictures of me. Such cute people. Can’t remember the last time i spoke to any of them but they remember me fondly. I didn’t go for the reunion even. Reunions are a bunch of ego trips. One already talked about how she had a crush on me. She had to wait till I was dead. Could have grabbed some of that ass.
Oh! I didn’t tell you my parents are pretty sad. They actually warned me not to go out that night. There was this new girl I was talking to, dead-ass gorgeous. My friend introduced me to her, I’ve been single for about 2 years and I just needed to make this work somehow. So we went to this party, she was there. First bottle to get me in the mood, second bottle, third bottle, she was feeling my vibes… 3am, we were on our way home. 3rd Mainland bridge, spoilt van, we ran head-on into it. I was the only one that died. At least, I don’t have to turn in my deliverable on Monday. My boss is such a douche. I still think of how sex with her would have been. I died in that lustful thought.
- Instagram: Just a bunch of friends, those who know me and those who don’t, pouring heartfelt messages. Wish they’d just stop with the heartbreak smileys.
Spoiler — God exists
- Twitter: 6 people that blocked me have unblocked me. Lol. Everyone’s talking of how I’m a good person and all that shii. Some said they met me at a twitter event and I was cool. Nobody has said anything bad yet. This death thing really makes everything cool again. So there’s this babe really sobbing in her room, you know I can see random people in random places. Obviously, she liked me. “He was so smart and intelligent”, “He had a good sense of humour”, “He had so much potential”, “I met him once at TPL, he was such a nice guy”. Even this babe that curved me in the DM dropped some gems about me.
The angel is back again. Give me a few minutes, i’ll be right back. Snapchat and WhatsApp be buzzing. I think I like being dead.