Thirty thoughts for Thirty years

Today I turn 30 years old. I am getting married exactly one month from today.

While I am not a writer, this felt like an important moment to pause and force myself to put into words some thoughts and reflections during this moment of transition. Part of me has always felt it would be arrogant to assume anyone cares about what I have to say about virtually any subject. Another part of me is scared to publish a blog out of fear that I might be wrong, or say something stupid that others will quickly dispel, “better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

Today, I am going to run the risk of sounding like a fool and attempt to articulate 30 important things I have learned over the course of my first 30 years on this planet, a blend of professional and personal lessons. These are things that I wish I knew when I was younger, but like many things in life, it is hard to fully appreciate, understand and apply advice/lessons until you have made mistakes or learned the lesson firsthand. Here goes…

1) Time is one of the strongest force multipliers

In short, now is the right time to begin. Whatever the task… Saving, investing, practicing, training, building, starting a company, etc.. Whatever your goals, time will compound your progress and there is no better time to begin working towards a goal than sooner. Time compounds progress and is an unstoppable force, use it wisely

2) As people get older, they become more like themselves. Plan accordingly

I am of the belief you cannot change people, nor should you try. I believe people evolve but drastic fundamental change is rare. My observation is that people tend become more like themselves. In other words, individual’s traits become more pronounced with age, both good traits and bad traits. In relationships with friends, family, etc…

3) Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about

A common saying, but an important one. There is plenty of anger and divisiveness in the world today, and a lack of nuance or empathy (particularly online). It is always good to remember that every single person has their own challenges, difficulties and hard to understand situations in life that they are working on that you likely have no knowledge of. Be kind and understanding, always

4) Everyone is making it up as they go

Coming out of college, it appeared everyone in New York had life figured out. How to get an apartment, a car, pay taxes, save money, have a good job, find a spouse, etc.. I remember sitting nervously on the train to work during my first day interning in NYC feeling so insecure that I was the only one who didn’t know what I was doing and would guess what to do, Imposter Syndrome. As time goes on I’ve realized that each new stage of life can begin feeling lost and confused, but everyone is going through that in some way. Even the most brilliant successful people in their careers may have struggles in other realms of their life, people are doing their best and there is manual. Do your best, work hard and be nice to people

5) Everybody talks their own book

This probably sounds more cynical than I intend for it to be. I don’t begrudge people speaking their own book, but its important to understand people’s incentives and motivations. “Show me the incentives and I’ll show you the outcome”

6) Fast starts don’t mean happy endings, life is a marathon

Whether you’re off to a great start with a new fast-growing business you started or you attended a prestigious college and have a promising career, getting off to a good start is great but complacency stalls many careers and businesses. We have seen this happen in early stage startups and I have seen it happen to people’s careers. A good start is a great advantage, but don’t take your foot off the gas when things are going well

7) Self-deprecation

I think self-deprication is healthy, necessary and helpful, and frankly people will like you more. People who can’t laugh at themselves are harder to like and in my experience making a joke at your own expense can disarm others and make things lighter, in personal or business situations. Plus, you can take all the good material yourself before someone else beats you to it.

8) Words matter

What you say and how you say it matters much. Particularly in the current climate where underlying injustices and systemic problems with our society have become topics of discussion in every living room across the country, its important to say what you mean and mean what you say, personally and professionally

9) Actions matter even more

Acting upon words and intent with follow through is a big part of life and business. Many people can say the right thing, following through and acting is much harder

10) Focus on things you can control

One of the most logical and widely agreed upon ideas that so many people lose sight of. It is best summed up by the serenity prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” Spending time pouring energy and effort into things where you cannot control the outcome is not a productive way to invest your time and energy. Everyone has their vices and areas of entertainment, but most of your daily hours should be spent on things that you can control. As an avid sports fan who has traveled around the country and world to watch sports live, it hurts me to say that my rooting and cheering for Tom Brady and the Patriots likely did not impact the outcome of any of their games.

11) Its all about people

I’ve always been more of a people person and get energy from interaction with others, I never saw it as a life skill through college. It turns out to be a very valuable skill and particularly in the world of venture capital, deals and agreements have a huge human element to them. Companies are just groups of people working toward a common goal, its all about people — easy to forget

12) Relationships require work

I didn’t understand this when I was younger. On college campuses, friendships and relationships never felt like work. You lived with your best friends, everyone was at parties together, it felt easy. As time goes on and lives go their own ways, its hard to keep up with old friends, family etc… Whether you find time in your schedule to see friends you haven’t seen, visit friends living in different places, remembering birthdays or just putting aside time to call a friend, aunt, uncle grandmother, it requires thought, effort and attention, don’t let your relationships slip away because you’re “too busy”

13) You’ll never be able to repay those who afforded you your life, pay it forward

I am an incredibly lucky and fortunate person. The sacrifices my parents, family, friends, teachers, mentors, colleagues have made for me have impacted my life in overwhelmingly positive ways, and I recognize that not everyone is so fortunate. As I enter the next stage of my life, I have begun to realize the broader scope of costs (both financial and non-financial) that go into providing someone opportunity, experiences, education and an upbringing like I had. They are obviously immense and I feel gratitude to everyone who contributed to that, in big and small ways. Many of those people did things for me knowing that it was an investment in me and my future, not to reap benefits of their investment of time, love, effort or care. That is an incredible thing and I know I will never be able to adequately thank or “pay it back”, but I have come to believe the best way to honor those who have sacrificed and invested in you is to sacrifice and invest in those who come next. Not just your children, but people who need a hand, words of encouragement, opportunity, experience etc..

14) The difference between happiness and joy

I used to think of these words as almost interchangeable. Now I see happiness as a kind of temporary stimulation, a simple treat or moment can make me happy. I get an ice cream cone I’m happy, but its fleeting. Joy is something much more enduring and usually not based on material or vapid things. Joy is rooted in genuine love, selflessness and something that can be hard to appreciate broadly. Seeing a loved one succeed and work hard and persevere through something, that is not happiness that is joy. Joy does not come easily, but it is enduring. Happiness comes more easily but is fleeting. I think its important to strive for Joy in life

15) Life is short

This year we lost my grandmother, who I was close with and was an incredibly positive force in my life through, particularly through some difficult times. She had an amazing life and it was her time, she was lucky to have a full life and see her grandkids grow up. She was the closest person to me that has ever passed away and has had me thinking about mortality more than I otherwise would. Life is short and precious, don’t let it pass you by

16) Busy ≠ Productive

Like many young professionals most of my work day consists of being in my email inbox and in meetings or on phone/zoom calls. The busiest days can go by in a blink with no down time, but they are often not the most productive. Finding a personal work style to not just complete a list of tasks in a day but to hold myself accountable to be truly productive has become a priority.

17) Don’t sweat the small stuff

Shit happens, if you spend time worrying about the small miscues you’ll never get anything done

18) Underpromise over deliver

The world is filled with people who promise the world and can’t deliver. Doing what you said you would do will put you in the top 20% off the bat, going above and beyond what you said will make you a star in personal or business relationships

19) Always put your own spin on things

When I look at people who I admire or look up to, they often do things differently than others. Some do things radically differently, others are more subtle but have meaningful differences. Develop your own style and do things your own way, it makes you much more difficult to replace. If you do things the same way everyone else does, you’re not going to stand out and sooner or later someone else will be doing it instead of you

20) Celebrate the victories

Turning on the news (or twitter) there is so much negativity and so many things to be scared of or angry about. “Focus on the good times” (I’ve always wanted to use a Tony Soprano quote), enjoy the good moments while you have them because there will always be tough times to get through

21) Everyone has an opinion, don’t let it dissuade you

Listen to your gut, tone out the noise. Easier said than done but a goal worth aspiring for

22) Everything in moderation, including moderation

My stepmom always said this to us when I was in high school and I’ve found it to be truer the older I get. I have definitely referenced the latter part many times to defend my lack of moderation at times, but its a great way to think about life balance

23) Prioritize, don’t be penny-wise and pound foolish

So many people spend the same amount of effort or brain power focused on small things as they do big things, when big things are 10x the impact. Get the big things right and the small things wont matter as much/will take care of themselves

24) Create traditions

Turning 30 has had me thinking about my childhood, realizing that I am around the age my parents were when they had me. It seemed like they knew everything and the traditions we had as a family were simply the way things always have been. The reality is traditions and many of your experiences early in life only exist because someone thought of you, maybe even before you existed. “Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.” (-Buffett). Start traditions, they can be silly, goofy, important, just traditions for the sake of making things exciting for others.

25) Try to put yourself in situations to get lucky

“Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan (-JFK). People have survivorship bias, when people succeed its always because they walked uphill both ways and struggled for their success. Some of this is true and luck plays some large % of involvement in almost any life or business success. Seed investing is in a sense putting yourself in a situation to get lucky (with some amount of process and structure to it), people talk about their winners but not the struggle in most situations.

26) Exercise

I played sports all through high school and into college and while exercise and physical activity has always been a part of my life, there were years in my 20s where it was no longer a priority because I didn’t have a coach forcing me to practice, or a game to prep for. I was living in NYC and there is always an excuse. I slept worse, ate worse and felt worse and it did not make my life better. My life is better and my mood is better when active and exercising, and most people I think discover that at some point. This year i’ve gotten into biking and now I can’t function without it

27) Hobbies

What’s it all for? Family, friends, find time to enjoy your loved one’s company. Hobbies and activities enable you to bond and spend time with others. Find enjoyment, solitude, clearing your head and bonding with friends and family is what makes hobbies so important. As i’ve gotten older I am appreciate that my dad encouraged me to golf from a very early age, it is a core activity with some of my closest friends and I even played in college. You are not strictly what you do for work!

28) Be competitive with yourself

So often we compare ourselves to others, whether comparing appearance, finances, career, etc.. it is a natural thing to do. It is also comparing apples to oranges and not productive. The great one and only Tom Brady is probably one of the most competitive people in the world, he has distanced himself from virtually any comparison on a football field. When asked about comparisons he often sites that he is only competitive with himself and thats what keeps him charging at 43 years old into his 21st NFL season, when most others would be riding off into the sunset. Be like Tom

29) Laugh as much as possible

No matter what, no matter how difficult things get find a way to laugh. I’m lucky to have a pretty positiver and optimistic disposition but a day is not complete until you’ve laughed in my book

30) The most important decision in life is who you marry

And that’s why I’m so excited to marry my fiancé Laura one month from today, she is a beautiful, intelligent, hardworking young lady and she is going to be an amazing mother and wife. I’m very lucky to have her by my side for forever and I will be a better person and live a better life because she agreed to marry me :)

31) Don’t be afraid to break the rules

This post was only supposed to have 30 lessons, but this is# 31. Sometimes you have to break the rules

P.S. i don’t really edit and this was more stream of consciousness, thanks for reading and let me know of mistakes or grammar errors!

-Henry