“No. We Don’t Do That.”
The Doree Lewaks of the world are Horrible, and The Catcalling Problem Is Worse
Having grown up in New York City, two things have always been expected when you leave the house: the New York Post is the go-to place for the worst tabloid journalism, and women will be verbally harassed by men.
So when it took 29+ years of me living in this city for these two inevitables to meet in Doree Lewak’s article “Hey ladies – catcalls are flattering! Deal with it,” I wouldn’t say I was surprised. Except that the article was written by a woman. Ms. Lewak, with this article, gives every catcaller an excuse that will sound like “Hey, I thought this turned you broads on.”
Some in my twitter timeline wondered if this piece was parody. Going through Ms. Lewak’s archives at the Post, I’m sure this piece was meant to be taken seriously. The following are gems from her recent reporting for the Post, or what I’ll call evidence in the New York Post v. Journalism:
Her beat, seems to be profiling those in New York with the least character, so of course her pen has led to her own life:
It’s the time of year when I can parade around in a skimpy dress with strategic cutouts that would make my mom wince.
And when I know I’m looking good, I brazenly walk past a construction site, anticipating that whistle and “Hey, mama!” catcall. Works every time — my ego and I can’t fit through the door!
Eventually, the article ends:
Before I know it, winter will be upon us again. And it’s not easy turning heads when you’re up to your neck in Gore-Tex.
Maybe I’ll find self-worth and validation somewhere else — say, at an ice-hockey rink. Maybe I’ll try a body-clinging Lycra figure-skating suit on for size.
Yes, I live to strut — or skate — another day.
She lives to be objectified. There’s a word to describe behavior like this: sad. It’s what the Malibu Stacy episode of The Simpsons was trying to explain: these are not role models or examples.
If I wanted to hear someone with this attitude and antiquated take on gender roles, I’d go watch an episode of Masters of Sex.
These catcalls and views, though, don’t stop when you leave construction sites. Over the last decade, I have continued to hear from female friends that many cities, New York being the worst, are plagued with catcalling. That it was a reason for some to consider moving.
Catcalling and all other verbal harassment is intimidating behavior unbecoming of anybody in modern society. Depending on the tone and the language, it frequently leaves many women afraid for their safety and uncomfortable in their own communities. Further, it leads to gender-based violence.
Because of articles like Ms. Lewak’s, which seems like the most prominent piece of what’s known as Men’s Rights Activism, there will probably be a resultant spike in catcalling. Ms. Lewak tries to draw a very hazy line between positive and negative catcalling in her article,
Of course, not all catcalls are created equal. The good ones are innocuous, not crass or obscene. To clarify, a compliment is “You’re beautiful,” and not “I like your nipples,” a crude comment beyond the point of no return.
I don’t know where to begin with this. It’s a lazy way for her to say she wasn’t advocating for vulgarity, and drawing a line in the sand that will disappear with each individual’s standards for crude language. Further, as only one paragraph out of the entire article, most will miss that point, and latch onto the belief that it’s all OK.
Take for example what my friend Rebecca experienced, and shared as a comment, when I posted a photo of this article on Facebook:
And no, for the spin doctors out there, the resultant awesome feeling doesn’t excuse what that guy did. That awesome feeling, of telling off someone, often comes packaged with some amount of fear.
As someone who has told off strange men making passes at his friends on the street in broad daylight, and pried goonish dudebros off of his female friends at concerts, I can say that it is hard to challenge a stranger’s Cro-Magnon behavior without a concern of retribution.
Unfortunately, that fear needs to be pushed aside on occasion if you are witness to catcalling from a position of power. That most common position of power is While Being Male.
Since these offenders do not see women as their equal, they often brush aside any contradictory statements from women. Sometimes, reactions like Rebecca’s lead to just more BS, such as a “Oooh, you’re feisty, I like that.”
Since these men believe they have the right to objectify, there is a strong responsibility on those men with consciences and awareness to do something.
To stand up, and say something. What I’ve come to is the phrase “We don’t do that,” but every man may need to find the phrasing that’s right for them.
It’s not because of a need to mansplain the truth, or the belief that women aren’t strong enough to defend themselves, but the need to give push back that will be heard.
In researching this post, I’ve been made aware of the organization, A Call To Men. Their goal, as stated on their site, reads that they are working “to create a world where all men and boys are loving and respectful and all women and girls are valued and safe.”
It’s sad that organizations need to exist for that goal, but that’s the reality we live in. A reality where the Doree Lewaks of the world, whose minds create oxygen out of objectification, are given soapboxes by major newspapers. Because that reinforces the beliefs of some of their audience. A reality that men are needed to help correct.
