The Jimmy Dean’s Reduced-Fat Pork Sausage Border Wall — Trump To Sell Naming Rights To Finance Mexican Barrier
Trump administration officials announced a possible breakthrough for the funding of the Mexican border wall that could bypass Congress and allow for the government to be re-opened. The new strategy depends upon raising money by selling naming rights to the wall.
Insiders believe the President only needs about four thousand organizations to pay for their names on the wall, in order to raise enough funds — about one sponsor every 100 yards.
“It’s going to be a challenge to get a lot of brand name companies, especially four thousand of them,” said a senior aide to the President. “But we are off to a good start. I think we’ve already secured the Summer’s Eve Stay Fresh Wipes Barrier, the Otezla Heart-Break of Psoriasis Wall Of Cracked & Damaged Skin, and the Jimmy Dean’s Reduced-Fat Pork Sausage Wall. The last one’s great because it might scare away the Muslims. We only need about 3,397 more companies!”
While many large companies appeared to be reluctant, some small companies based in states where Trump support remains strong, seemed eager to participate.
“I’ve been looking for a way to boost my business,” said Lisa Birdsmith, of Flattop, Arizona. “I’d love to see ‘Puppy Luv’s Racist Pet Care & Dog Walking’ plastered across 100 yards of the Arizona desert. Racist pet care has been a little slow lately — probably due to the government shutdown.”
Others wondered if the extreme need for funding might cause the Administration to accept advertising from any organization.
“We hate the jackass Trump with the fire of a thousand suns,” said Neal Brewster, of the ACLU. “I’m sure we could find money for a section of the barrier to be called ‘The Trump-Stormy Wall Of Mushroom Genitals.’”
The new twist to sell off the naming rights to the wall only developed after a weekend of frustration related to attempts to weave Martin Luther King’s birthday into a wall solution.
“The President thought if he put MLK’s name on the wall, he could get the Blacks to pay for it,” said one advisor. “He ran it by his good friend, boxing promoter Don King. Apparently Don King is not related to Martin Luther King, after all. And, according to Mr. King, African Americans probably would not be willing to pay for the wall. This only reminded the President that the Blacks are as ungrateful as the Mexicans.”