The Morning I Maced a Cat
So, the sum total of my using my protective pepper spray is two. One was a bunny. The second was a cat. I am an early morning runner. It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. It’s usually animal/people free. So years ago, I was running in Prattville, Alabama. I was running in my neighborhood around a pond. There had a been a lot of construction of new homes. I decided to bring my pepper spray. I was a little nervous, and very cautious. Pepper spray at ready. There was a rustling in the bushes. It was dark. It was 4 a.m. It was quiet. Then, suddenly, a bunny exploded out of the bushes. I pointed the little tube and pressed the button. The spray of liquid hit the bunny. It screamed and ran away. I stopped, heart racing. I was not proud of myself. In fact, this was the first time I had even USED the mace. Now I’m afraid of bunnies. The Johnny Depp Lone Ranger movie helped with that…… good thing I saw the movie of bunnies with fangs AFTER I maced the bunny.
So flash forward 10 years. We now live off a beach in Florida. It’s an awesome residential neighborhood. Lots of new houses, lots of old houses. Eclectic is good. A neighborhood app is pet friendly. FOUND! Dog. FOUND! Cat. NEEDS A HOME: Dog! FUNDRAISER FOR SURGERY: Old dog. However, deep within the site, is mentions of …… feral cats. Cats that stalk rats. Cats that stalk mice. Cats that stalk….. runners.
So here I am. 5 a.m. I’m on mile 5 of 7. I am lazy today. I don’t go out to the beach to run today. Instead….. I run laps in the neighborhood between the main streets. North/South/ East/West. Wave to the lady walking the beagle. Wonder if I’ll read about the lady putting the dog poop in someone else’s garbage can on the neighborhood app as a rant: WHO PUT THE DOG POOP IN MY CAN? Yes, that’s a real header to a post. Like someone’s going to fess up and say “I DID!” Right. Dodge the paper guy . Why do paper guys ALWAYS drive cars with one headlight out. Why do they always drive on the WRONG side of the road. Why are they always doubling back? Did they realize they missed hitting me the first time? Okay, that’s another post for another day.
I circle through a street I’ve run on many a time before. And there it is. The black and white cat. Oh so cute. It has a little black mustache. It’s ready to pounce on a rat or a mouse. Or a bug. I hope it is a cockroach. I look around. See nothing. The cat is in full crouch before the pounce mode. Oh, how cute. suddenly, it leaps…. AT ME! I scream like the girl I am. Loud. Piercing….. I would have made my older son proud since he screams like that when his younger brother or his dad leap out and scare him. It was reminiscent of the time 5 mice ran over my feet in the bathroom in the hotel on the beach in Hawaii. I screamed and no one came. No one said, are you okay? why are you in the bathroom SCREAMING? I’m still having issues about that. So I scream. No one answers. No one comes. Except the cat. The feral cat. Now I’m sure its a Hitler cat. It has this little black smudge under its nose. It’s eyes are glowing. It’s head is spinning, and I’m sure, if it had been daylight, green stuff would have been erupting from its mouth. I have mace in my hand….. I point……. I squeeze in front of the cat…… Nope. It pounces again. This time, right in the face, the stream erupts straight and true. It shakes it off. This time it suddenly seems to grow. Multiply in size exponentially. I’m sure, now, that this is no normal cat. It’s a space alien cat ala invasion of the body snatchers……. I continue running. And then because I am such a lazy runner, I turn to go back the way I came. It is hiding behind a parked car….. Waiting……. green foam expelling……. and it comes at me again. I pick up the pace and run away. Not proud, but alive to fight it another day.
Now, if I could only remember what street?????
Next post: paper guys I’ve known before at 4 a.m. ……
Til then,
The Vampire Runner