I will write my…

Kill me now. I will have already written my own suicide note. Don’t worry hun they wont even think of you since I already wrote my own suicide note.

Everything just became darker, harder to handle, mum I trusted you I told you what he has done but you said it was my fault. Mum how can a little 10 year old girl choose for such a thing to happen; she doesn't even know the meaning of the word. Mammy I told you he did it again you kept saying it was my fault. You never believed in me. Mammy tell me why you never believed in me tell me why you always blamed me for everything, was it because I was a mistake, was it because he did it to you and because of that I was born. Is it because you thought he loved you, is it because he whispered sweet words in your ears, because you thought he was the one.

I am gone now because you never truly wanted me.

See I knew this because whenever an argument arise you be screaming; telling me that I was a mistake. Mammy do you know how it felt, no one knew what was happening because I never opened my mouth I never said a word about what happened because you always said what happens in the house stays in this house. See mammy, my entire life I feared you. I obeyed, I did everything you told me because I was afraid that you would hit me again. No matter how good I was there would always be something that got you mad, something that made you hit me. Was it because I was a mere reflection of you; I reminded you of your past; when you were a little girl.

It was hard for me to do what I did because I was afraid of disappointing you; hurting those who loved me, it was hard to let go because I had found love; a love who never touched me; that never disrespected me. I was afraid that if I get too attached then the same thing will happen again so I sat in the bath tub naked, with the steaming hot water flowing down my back for hours deciding how I wanted them to find me. I wrote my own suicide note before I asked him to kill me because I trusted him to do it.

I am gone now and all you have left of me is the mere reflection of your face that now reminds you of me, now you hate yourself for hurting me for never being there for me. Now you realized that you never truly loved me.