Survive

I grew up in Germany for half my life. Ethnically, I’m Chinese, so the first language I learned was Cantonese. Once I started kindergarten, I picked up German. I had a good childhood. My family was supportive of me, I did well in school, and I had a lot of friends. When I turned eleven, I found out that I got accepted into Gymnasium, which is the most advanced type of high school in Germany. It seemed like my life was set.

One day in the summer after my eleventh birthday, my parents sat me down in our living room for a discussion that would turn my life completely upside down. They told me that I’d be moving to the U.S. by the end of the year to continue my schooling. The education system in the U.S. is better, and I’d have a lot more opportunities there then in Germany, they explained.

I couldn’t believe what they said at first. What do you mean the U.S.? Do they speak German there? Wait, I don’t even know English. Or anyone there for that matter. How do you know that this is the best for me? This must be a poor joke. It wasn’t. I started to get dizzy. Everything in the room started to spin.

I continued my life the next few weeks as if nothing happened. I started Gymnasium, made new friends, and even signed up to be part of the soccer club. I was in complete denial. Perhaps my parents would change their mind, I thought. I have to show them how happy I was here. The day, however, eventually came.

I was at Hannover Airport. None of my friends had gone to see me off because I didn’t tell them I was leaving. Still in denial, I thought that I would find a way to come back. As I approached the gate for my flight, I turned around and started to cry. I begged my parents to let me stay.

The next few weeks were a blur. I eventually arrived in LA, where my aunt and uncle took me in. I vaguely remember being taken to a middle school to take some placement tests. Since I could not read or write in English, I did poorly on those. I was put in classes below my grade level. Those classes were also ‘ESL’ (English as a Second Language) classes, which meant that there would be teacher aides who spoke the students’ native languages present to assist. For most students for whom English is not their first language, this was great because it would help them get acclimated faster. Unfortunately, that didn’t apply to me because none of those aides spoke German or Cantonese. To make matters worse, my classmates all spoke Mandarin and Spanish, so it was essentially impossible for me to relate to anyone and make any friends.

My life was a mess. I went from a star student to the lowest in the class. From having a ton of friends to having none. I remember feeling sad and helpless in those early days. Some days I would go straight to bed after school and dream about better times.

But I survived. It took me some time to find my footing. I knew that learning English would be the key for me to become integrated. It would give me back control of my life. So I made the German-English dictionary my bible. Every time I encountered a word that I didn’t know, I would write it down on a flashcard and review it later. I borrowed books I had read in German, like Harry Potter, to practice reading comprehension. I pushed myself to talk in class even if others laughed at my garbled attempt.

This isn’t a story where I eventually found triumph through some shortcut. It was hard for several years. There were many times when I wanted to give up. Give up on learning. Give up on school. Give up on trying. But I forced myself out of the gutter every time and vowed to work harder. I was going to learn to speak English competently.

It was only a few years later when I saw some semblance of success. While hanging out at lunch at our high school, my friend introduced me to one of her classmates as the guy who grew up in Germany. Her classmate looked at me and said:

“You’re from Germany? You don’t have an accent at all.”

That innocuous compliment meant the world to me.

Now that I’m older, I understand why my parents made me go through this. I’m thankful because that opportunity gave me what is now my strongest asset: perseverance. Since then, life threw many curveballs at me and tried to take me down. I faced those challenges with grit and determination every time, and came out even stronger afterwards. This experience has become the unshakable foundation upon which my life stands.

That’s what I told my friend when he reconsidered to become a doctor, and that’s what I feel compelling to share with you. It can be very tempting to give up when you’re on a difficult journey. However, almost nothing worth having comes easy. Had I given up along the way, I don’t think I’d be here today writing a Medium article. These challenges are opportunities for you to build something within yourself that will prepare you for the greatness ahead. It may take weeks for you to feel competent at your job, months before you quit your bad habit, or a lifetime before you find your purpose. But don’t give up. Survive.

It may not seem like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, but it will never come if you give up. Your mind is more adaptable to difficult situations than you think you are. The worst will pass. Trust that you are stronger than you believe you are, and the day when you triumph will come.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.

-Albert Camus