When one of my family members die
Death is not a good thing to think about and a lot of people don’t like to talk about it. I am okay with death and although I know that I have two beloved brothers that are older than I and will probably die before me, I have talked about it with them and with my partner, Laura.
This story is about what happened in the past when my Father, my niece, and my Mother died. For some reason, I think about the way I found out and what happened at the time I was told more than the actual death of my loved ones.
I absolutely adored my Father. His name was Roy and he was very handsome, kind, and a very gentle man. I can’t remember him every raising his voice or getting mad except for two times. The first time was when my Brother, Ted was driving the car on the way to Florida and made a left turn. Daddy got upset and yelled at him to pay attention. The other time was when several high school bullies were next door at Miss Elma’s and they were trying to get Earl Crapps to come out so they could pick a fight with him. Daddy heard them and ran out of the house screaming at them to stop and get away from Mr. Earl.
I was in my senior year at Vashti School when my Brother, Fred came to the school right before Christmas break. I meet him in the lobby of Bishop Hall and he said that Daddy had a heart attack and that I needed to come with him. I asked Fred if it was my fault and he nodded. I don’t think he understook what I meant although I had been having a rough time at Vashti and I knew that my Mom and Dad were worried about me. I got some stuff together and we drove to the hospital in Richland. Daddy wasn’t there. He had been moved to St. Francis Hospital in Columbus, Ga.
Fred and I went by the house and talked to Granny and then drove to Columbus. Mother and Ted were at the hospital. It was Friday night and Daddy was hooked up to a bunch of machines and there were tubes and wires everywhere. I kissed him and held his hand and told him that I loved him. He said he loved me and that he wished he wasn’t hooked up to all these stuff and could hug me. He wanted me to finish school (which meant college, too) and to take care of Mother, and to be a Lady. I wasn’t able to stay very long.
Mother, Fred, and I went to the Holiday Inn near the hospital to spend the night. We got a call from Ted early Saturday morning and went to the hospital. I was in the lobby with Ted when Fred and Mother walked up to me and Fred handed me a pill and said take this. Dr. Brocado was standing next to me with a cup of water. I took the pill and then Fred told me that Daddy was dead.
Over the next two or three days, Fred and Ted keep giving me pills to take. Daddy died at about 9 AM in Columbus and the funeral was the next day after church service at the Richland United Methodist Church. I don’t remember a lot about that day although on Saturday when we all went to Campbell’s Funeral Home to see Daddy, something happened between Fred and Edith and Stewart Campbell and he stormed out of the funeral home. Aunt Edith and Uncle Stewart were not at the funeral on Sunday. Daddy was buried and about an hour or two later, Ted and Lynn took me with them to Atlanta. I stayed with them for Christmas and then went home to be with Mother before going back to finish my Senior year of High School.
My niece, Lauren had recently returned from a summer studying at Oxford in Cambridge, England was about to enter her senior year at the National Cathedral School in Washington, DC. The family was vacationing in Kalispel, MT and Ted was finishing up his work at the law office in DC before joining them. Emily and a friend who was driving a small sports car where in a accident when their car tried to pass and hit a motorcyclist head on. The motorcycle came in on Lauren’s side and crushed her and killed the motorcyclist instantly. It took Lauren too many hours to die in a hospital bed. Ted’s law firm flew him to Montana on a private jet and flew the family home after she died.
Ted called my oldest Brother, Fred and came to Albany to tell my Mother. My Mother, Elizabeth was living with me in a house on Avalon Avenue that I rented. After Fred and Mother had talked for awhile, Mother called me at work and asked me to take my lunch break and come home. When I arrived at the house I saw Fred’s car and went inside and they told me about Lauren. There were no arrangements made at that time for a celebration of Lauren’s life which was later at the National Cathedral in DC. I went back to work. We did receive a brochure that had been used at the memorial service and I later got to sit on the bench at the school that was given in her memorial.
The last time I saw Lauren was as Mother and I were leaving their house in DC to fly back home after a week-long visit. I had hugged her and told her that I loved her and then she hugged my Mother and I watched the look on her face. It was that of a teenager that didn’t know her Grandmother but glad she was leaving. You know you’ve seen that weird look on a kid’s face when they have to hug someone and really don’t want to hug them. That’s how I remember her — somewhat disgusted that we were there and very glad we were leaving.
My Mother was in an assisted living home called Magnolia Manor in Americus, GA. She had lived with me for seven years in Albany and had been at the Manor for several years. The day that Fred and I moved her in, she wrote on her calendar that it was the worst day of her life and that she had never felt this way before. Of course, I didn’t read that until many years after she died.
She seemed to like living at The Manor. She had many friends and lots of things to occupy her time. She ate lunch and dinner in the dining room and did arts and crafts and exercises and had her hair fixed every week and took lots of photos to put in the photo books. She would take the lady next door to her under her wing and make sure she had a clean dress on everyday and she would get lots of phone calls from me. I called almost everyday and went to see her a lot. Fred would also visit often and Ted and his family would also come to Americus and stay at The Manor to visit.
I was at Mars, Incorporated working when I got a phone call from the receptionist who told me that my Brother and his wife were there. I hung up the phone and looked across my desk at John Rohrs and said my Mother just died. Of course, that was the only reason that Fred and Linda would be there. I went to the lobby at Mars and Fred told me that Mother had died in her sleep. I went back to my desk to get my stuff and went to the locker room to take off my uniform and get dressed in my street clothes and then Fred and Linda and I went to my house to get my stuff for the funeral.
Many of my friends at Mars brought food to my house and stayed there with me until the funeral. Mike Fullerton and John Rohrs went to Richland and the church family had lunch for everyone after the memorial service for Mother. Her remains were cremated by Matthews Funeral Home but the arrangements for her burial were made by Larry at the Funeral Home in Richland.
There was a brief service at Richland United Methodist Church and then interment at the cemetery. Mother had already had the Hester headstone and her marker was next to her Mother’s and Granny was next to Daddy’s.
So, there it is. My brushes with death. Death to me is just another day in my life. When you die you are dead but still alive in my heart and soul. I remember.
Now is the time for me to prepare myself for the death of my brothers, Laura’s Mother, and ultimately prepare for my death. Life is good and I am happy.