Picture this for a second. You live your life, and are constantly having to deal with social situations that you are obligated to have, or for the return of money.
They may tell you it is for the great work you are doing at their company, or the obligated team building event at an office, or the oxygen wasting conversations about sports teams you care nothing about, and the weather you have seen before arriving to this place for the sake of making money.
The job is easy, you know it in and out, but the real struggle? is the social circles you are obligated to interact with. The fine print signing on is not always clear from the get go.
That has been my story for as long as I could remember. I did not even know what an introvert was till much later in life. Now a days, it is a well known term, but often disregarded of meaning as soon as your responsibilities and obligations to making that green piece of paper. Even having to go grab a pack of cigarettes and talk about literally nothing with the chatty cashier in front of you is sometimes feeling like the end boss in your favorite game.
The challenge is there, at least, for people like me.
I have often disconnected from these situations. Putting on a front, a sort of extroverted mask to help deal with these things. Most jobs require you to be outgoing, a team player, often wanting you to be a great person to work with, and they “value your opinion” as well. They are very much welcoming in these soapboxes at the start of your position at whatever job it is. Sadly, like most shotgun romantic encounters, they share the same fueled-rocket jump to space, only to run out of fuel very quickly. It is a quick burn, then the honeymoon period is over. Every job I’ve been to has flexed they have the greatest team environment, and claim that “they are a family”, which is great, but you just entered their house, and you have to follow their social rules.
Don’t get me wrong, no one wants to work with an asshole, or work with people who are highly opinionated. People want to go about their days without someone pouring salt into their tall glass of water so to speak.
Often though, you kind of get caught in the collateral damage when you just want to be that one drone who just wants to keep their head down, not interact outside of work focused talking, and calculated decision making. That form of behavior in those types of social spaces is often frowned upon, even if its not as obvious or spoken out loud.
This is the same story as a lot of people out there. Socially disconnected all around.
Ever find it hard to make friends at work? same, me too.
Are you friendly but just find it irritating to talk about literally nothing? yeah, I hate that.
How about sensory overload when people go on about topics, such as political situations in a country you don’t even live in, and they go on a rant about how they are not racist, but continue to go into a racist political rant while you are in a dead period at work and stuck next to this person? yeah, I'm out here too with the same similar experiences.
I never understood why I was not really like everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean “everyone else” as in, everyone is the same, but I mean “everyone else” can somewhat fit in that square mold with their shape, while I’m over here as a hexagon with those extra sides to my form trying to fit in a space not designed for me. Fitting in is not the issue here, I think its more of a personality difference over all.
Socializing has been a bane on my existence even before stepping into the 9–5 space of the working class. It was like that in school, after school social circles, parties I was invited to, you name it. Its a struggle a lot of people have, but its not entirely based on the idea that I cannot speak to people, I am actually known to be very charismatic, easy to talk to, and I relate to a lot of things in general. Sometimes a little liquid courage is involved to help with anxiety in these situations, but it has more to do with what is expected of me in some unwritten rule type form, and how I am supposed to be. At least by the general social universe most people participate in.
Maybe its just because I'm a bit eccentric, I see things a bit differently, or maybe its my creative brain and I often see between the lines in some way.
I found many ways to kind of combat this. It gets really lonely sometimes I think for me not being able to connect the way others connect, but its more the idea of that then it is the fact that I can connect. It has to do with being able to relate on a different level not available to me. Sometimes that is an irritating thought, while other times I just accept that I’m just enough different then most.
Enter social platforms. You might be thinking Facebook, or Instagram, maybe a soapbox corner set up on Twitter, or like a working drone trying to communicate in a bee colony, doing a little dance on TikTok to convey how much they support the same song 300,000 others are doing and the exact same dance. Bees in a colony have a purpose, I can’t hate on that, but that is not what I'm talking about.
Nah, I'm talking real social platforms where people create micro bubble eco-systems of social atomic connections that just mash together on a more personal note. Discord, Second Life, VRChat, NeoS, Tinychat, Reddit, Twitch, and many others similar to this. Now you might be wondering what these spaces have in common, and its something so subtle that I think people miss it because they exist so heavily in it, that they glaze over the power of it. Maybe its because I come from old spaces like Yahoo Chat, or IIRC where chatrooms become alive with persistent world connection where relating to things is so real time, or maybe its something else.
All these spaces have enough focused social dynamics that they retain a digital social bubble and keep people in that bubble. Topics, spaces, interests, voice chat, webcam interaction, body language, personalization and representation on so many levels that the connection is larger then just posting memes, and text. Even more, just shouting into the internet till someone clicks the heart icon or the thumbs up button. They all also share an interaction outside of being sucked into affiliation echo chambers, influencers promoting products constantly, and ulterior motives outside of what is there at face value. A digital wolf in sheep costume.
They all carry this special mixing of ingredients that help them create little social spheres and their rulesets inside them. People step into these unique bubble universes and then set up a home in them for the long term. They connect, share stories of their day, converse with friends, relate on levels, and just organically make a connection.
Discord for example has this unique ability to have people connect and click inside these little chatroom servers that usually have an overall theme and focus. Some are more focused for an ulterior motive, that is true, but the Discord platform is made up of a lot of little social eco systems and they thrive based on the chat experience and a niche focus on whatever the overall topic is as its walls. Its kind of like a walled off city where they exist in with little social groups inside that walled off city. The gate is open though, you step in, and meet the inhabitants in that city.
Another crazy example but often looked at as a stain on the internet is Tinychat, a platform for individuals to create their own rooms with their own rulesets in those rooms, and little to no administration managing these webcam chatrooms of various different topics from Tinychat at all. The space is managed by the room owners and the regulars. Now most places have moderator positions to keep people in line, but for Tinychat its completely different, as a Moderator role is to signify that user is a member of that rooms community, and all community members help to protect it.
Now, this can be extremely chaotic and sometimes scary in some of these spaces for what does go on in some rooms, while others have created their own little community, where not only people interact, they become friends, lovers, relationships are formed, people get married IRL, and it has to do with not only the topic of the room, but the main interaction of face to face in a digital age where people hide behind their username. While a lot of the site is a nose dive of degeneracy, conspiracy theories, random people showing up jerking off on cam, to outright racist and extreme beliefs. There is some gems here too. You would be very surprised who you meet in this social space.
VRChat is another new space, with a bit of a twist on it. With the rise of Virtual Reality and the technology that comes with it, A new form of digital interaction exists, and its nothing I have ever seen before.
From my thousands of hours spent in this space socializing in a virtual reality headset with others in these random virtual rooms, interacting with expression, lip reading technology inside visme 3d models that hear my tone, and express on my avatars lips and face what im saying, its another level of interaction I've never seen before. Full body tracking gives you a sense of body language to pair with the voice coming out of the model. Every movement, expression, talking with your hands, and all done in a Virtual universe full of thousands of people, it is easy to deceive yourself into believing the very avatar you are speaking to is not who they are behind that headset by aesthetic alone, but you relate them to that visual representation of that person, and that is interesting. You connect to a Virtual tavern to go drink with people in virtual reality. I went to a live show where a person was playing guitar and singing on stage to people in the space. I have went to a movie theatre in this space and watched some movies with random people. Its another level where communities form and interact and become closer in time due to that level of interaction.
All these places have the same idea though. The social connection of people who have disconnected from the outside world in some way. Yeah, you will get people who go out and “touch grass” as they say and do it often, also there is the tourists on those platforms, but for those who stay, and log in daily, check messages, interact with people they have connected with, these social spaces become their own universe very quickly, and social connections are formed on these platforms with ease.
Now what causes that though? Is it the conversations relating to the user? maybe the extra level of interaction that exists in these spaces? even in VR, its easy to see what the connections are being tethered with. What about Discord though? Is it the room topic with the micro topic channels in them? Maybe their voice chat is active enough that people start hanging out regularly in them. Could be rallying behind one umbrella idea that connects them all together. A sort of brotherhood or sisterhood hinting on comradery.
Whatever it is, for someone like me who finds themselves constantly having to fit into squares, when you are a hexagon shape, it feels more like these spaces change size just for you to wiggle room your way in kind of thing.
As often as I feel disconnected from the world around me outside of my technology, I often find comfort and refuge in a lot of these new found spaces. They offer a social dynamic not present on the other social platforms. You find connection there, and connect with people. You use your friend list as it was intended to be used as, for your friends. I have friends online that I’ve known before facebook existed. I have friends ive known for years, and been through ups and downs with, met in real life, connected with, done even jobs or business with, etc. All because I took the leap and fell into a random bubble universe to meet these individuals I can finally connect with.
These micro universes offer communities that if you did not stumble upon them, you would never know they existed. Its like finding a magical door that no one knows about, and inside that door, finding connections with people that you could never find anywhere else outside of those spaces. Who knows, maybe you could, maybe it is easier then I think, but I like going with my own flow, and following my own river. It should never be difficult to connect with others, I found my way of doing so though.
It fascinates me how often I don’t appreciate the coming of age of the internet, and even in today’s disconnected social spaces like Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. I find refuge in actual social platforms that feel like they are disguised as something else. The internet is changing, and how we socialize is evolving at a rapid rate. The next 10 years will be interesting with how humans connect via technology, and how we interact on a daily basis.
Will it be in a cyberspace virtual universe all interconnected with hubs like the internet? Will our full body tracking show our body language and how we express ourselves? will everything be under the blanket of meta in an assault of the senses with ads, focused data mining? Maybe we will be all on Twitter, and will have to pay a non-fungible token just to soapbox or say hello to a para-social friend we think we have on there.
As much as this little rant of mine carries on and it focuses on my favorite places to connect with others, its easy to see the differences between these social spaces. You don’t need a magnifying glass to see how different they are. It is like understanding the difference between embers and a gas fueled rocket blast. I think I’m more of an embers guy.
To me, I appreciate and love these spaces I exist in now. It has given even me a sense of belonging with groups and finding friends in the oddest places they could exist. Keep your options open and explore more, you never know where you might find that magical door that leads to your micro universe. I believe there is a space for everyone out there, even as weird and disconnected as I am, I found my own groups of weird and disconnected people that I connect with.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to offer your thoughts, opinion, or maybe disagree with me. Just because I have not found those interactions on some of the social spaces I listed above, does not mean they don’t exist there, it just means they don’t exist for me there. That’s the difference.
Good luck in your social circles, or hexagon circles if that is your shape.
~Hex
