It’s Not You. It’s Them.

Experts are cataloging a cadre of deficiencies, from posture to self-esteem, as the underlying cause of workplace woes. But let’s not absolve the real culprit.

I, for one, cannot get onboard the self-blame train. Whenever I hear experts rattling off our deficiencies (i.e., “women do this” and “women don’t do that”), I simply cringe. Yes, we have our needs for personal growth, but let’s put the ultimate blame where it belongs: the policies, prejudices, assumptions, and unfair treatment that we face on a daily basis. So, while I may agree with some of the popular strategies to gain traction at the office, my motivation comes from a very different place, one more of indignation than inadequacy.

For example, a popular generalization seen as the source of our problems is self-doubt, the idea that women simply lack confidence and/or retreat from increasing responsibility due to fears of various origins. While either scenario may exist, we certainly can’t be painted with such a broad brush. In many cases, women feel perfectly competent at their jobs, sometimes secretly asserting that we can do it better than our bosses. As for the perceived lack of confidence… well, you may be merely witnessing a form of battle fatigue.

It’s true that many of us are tired. Over the years, we’ve seen friends overlooked or mistreated from minor incidents to those with great import (How many times have you commiserated with female colleagues?). Don’t get me wrong: there are also some awesome success stories. Yet, despite our efforts, bad behavior happens—and is permitted—way too often. In short, it’s not you. It’s them!

Yes, I’m passing the buck. That doesn’t mean we can’t take meaningful actions to help our cause. But as we take such steps, remember that it’s not to offset our deficiencies, but, rather, to correct theirs.

#gorogue