This is what sadness feels like.

A love poem.

Somedays I ask myself what I’m doing. I put on sad music that speaks of regret, because that’s most likely what I’m feeling.

My biggest regret up until a few months ago had been that I couldn’t save the people closest to me from themselves. That I watched them self-destruct and couldn’t do more to change the course of their lives for the better.

Words are drawn like swords between us.

Silence speaks of hurt feelings and

echoes of pain long forgotten but

etched into the flesh of our being

scars of times we hoped would have been simpler

but turned out as now only could


what was it you said, again

or, rather

what did I speak that offended you so?

my pain hurt yours

your pain yelled at mine

our pain said it wasn’t worth it

too hard

why bother

I walked away right and wrong all at the same time

right and indignant

and yet the price of such rightness was frustration and loneliness

but where does pride factor in when you’re simply,



w r o n g.

not in your feelings,

but in how you’re treating me.

how do I accept that you don’t want to hear my truth?

that you hear tones and hues I don’t

that once you heard the words, you left

for days

upon days

of silence

enforced rigidly



I was crying for space to be who I am

and there I was, falling apart as I was

declaring something you couldn’t hear

declaring you were too far

declaring I missed you

declaring I felt I was floundering and needed more to do this


needed more to hold true to my wor-d

fear that I’d fail,


that I’d lose,


when all I wanted- was,

y o u

so I spoke honestly and without reserve

no edits

no censorship

and you went running

for days

into the hills of a far off land,

a hazy ocean between us

that I know nothing of

men go running, it seems

into the far recedes of some unknown time

he said I love you.


fucking, finally.