Divided States of America

Driving to work this morning in complete silence as I couldn’t fathom how life could go on today in this America. The mood in our living room was somber last night as we saw everything going red. The House. The Senate. The key states for Presidency and the Supreme Court in the near future.

I had a strange dream last night of an old Asian grandma, not even my own, who visited me and told me that I would endure this and I wanted to hold on so deeply to something that felt more like reality than the nightmare of the truth.

I haven’t cried, but I’ve been crying. And I haven’t vomited, but only because I am empty inside.

I apologize in advance that this piece will offer no hope to everyone in mourning because I’m too broken. And I just need a fucking minute right now.

Every single marginalized identity was under siege in this Presidential election and that threat has now manifested into direct action. I do not know who I should be fighting for: women, POC, Black America, immigrants, undocumented folks, the low income, LGBTQ folks, Native Americans, the disabled, survivors, and so many other folks who have been oppressed that I’m ignorant to. How and who should I fight for today, America.

The fear for this election result was beyond the actions taken but the empowerment of a toxic mentality that has kept oppressed communities mentally plagued for our very existence. I am already fearing for my own life and those of my loved ones and cared for. That is the reality of what was at stake. Our worlds and lives were shredded. I will never make light of what we have lost.

Should I leave now and what can I do if I stay.

Clinton’s and Obama’s words feel empty because racism, sexism, homophobia, bigotry showed its full terrifying force last night and I don’t know if I can be a whole person in this country ever again.

Khizr Khan asked if his son would have a place in Trump’s America and last night, America answered with a resounding “no”. None of us do.

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