for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand. — Zechariah 4:10
Today’s session felt bad. “Felt” because I have a logical conclusion of today’s training after breaking it down with D.
My first peaking cycle
Today marks the end of the first portion of our peaking cycle. Tomorrow onwards we will be working at a different level of intensity (upwards of 80%) to prime our body for higher weights on competition day.
Last Wednesday we tested our 2RM (rep max) for our Deadlifts. While I managed to pull 2 reps for my previous 1RM, I strained my piriformis, a muscle in my butt.
For the rest of the week, I was unable to go into the sumo stance or bend down without hurting. Fortunately it didn’t hurt today while I was testing my 2RM for my squats.
2 rep max for Squats
For church service yesterday, my pastor was sharing about Jacob wrestling with God in Genesis 32:24–25, and God broke his hip. Pastor said that we need to be willing to be defeated by God in life (for His loving reasons we might not understand). And defeated was my word for the day today.
Let’s roll back a little to 4 months back when I attempted my high bar 1RM. For non-lifters, there are 2 types of squats: high bar and low bar. They each rest on different parts of your trapezius (or affectionately known as Traps) muscles.
Four months ago, my 1RM for high bar was 85kg/187lbs. I had high hopes from the training programme that I have been obediently following in spite of some speed bumps like a back strain. For competition, lifters usually squat with the low bar stance since it’s biomechanically supposed to allow us to squat more. Coach started converting me to low bar about a month ago.
The programme for the past month deprived me from low bar that I was craving every Sunday to feel the bar on my back. The strength I feel from firing up my hips, glutes and back from the low bar was simply exhilarating. It fed my ambition to aim for my next PR which I plugged at 105kg/231lbs — 2 times my bodyweight.
After much patience and waiting, today I hit the gym with so much excitement, secretly expecting myself to be able to squat 95kg or even better, 100kg, for 2 reps.
Well, the only thing that happened was that I ended up on the ground kneeling after I failed my 2nd 90kg rep in my 1st attempt. My 2nd attempt went to dust as well on the 1st rep. I almost burst into tears.
Fear again
Rewatching my video only showed how much fear I added onto my shoulders for my 2nd rep. The entire set felt like this:
- I went under the bar, had a perfect set up
- I felt for the first time the gravity of a 90kg load
- I did a weak brace before my first squat but managed to get through it
- The rebound out of the “hole” felt difficult and slow (though in the video it looked smooth and fast)
- I was short of breath when I was done with the first rep, and was afraid when I was told to do my second
- I did an even weaker brace and went for it
- I chickened out before I went into the “hole”
- Failed
Coach was patient enough to get me to try again. But when I failed my 2nd set, he simply told me that it’s enough and I’m fatigued. I should rest and do other things.
Didn’t help that my piriformis hurt while I was working on my deadlifts after that.
I sank under this black cloud and my team mates were concerned. They checked in on me as I tuned out to my songs while doing my accessory exercises, and gave me all the space I needed. It was especially hard for D as he was trying to cheer me up and I was just obstinately bashing myself up.
After a few hours (yes hours) of wallowing in defeat, he sat me down and said “Look, it’s been a good session. You managed to do a 90kg squat and that’s a PR. You managed to go through all the accessory work plus additional exercises to fix your piriformis problem. Logically, this has been a good session.”
And I accept it. I’m done with being upset with my defeat. I’m ready to take on the rest of the day and the upcoming sessions as I finish typing this post.
As I think back on how I started squatting a dumbbell to an empty bar, to 90kg today, it has been a long journey. God has kept me injury free, but has never failed to humble me when my ego starts swelling. It taught me though, to encourage those who are also training in the gym, and for those who are starting off their fitness journey and taking on their insecurities like a boss.
I’m just thankful for this journey.
