A Peachy Diary #12: An Ode to Dating Apps

Swiper no swiping.

So I’ve recently jumped back into the dating scene, downloading two of the most popular apps available: Tinder & OkCupid.

Funny enough, I’ve been finding a lot more enjoyment from swiping through profiles and reading what people have to say about themselves more so than actually finding and forming connections with other people.

It’s interesting: belonging to a generation that dictates that everyone is unique, everyone is an individual, and we cynically roll our eyes to people who conform or follow trends, I’m finding a lot of the same descriptions, cynical quirks, one-liners, and even style of photos in dozens and dozens of profiles.

Stop me if you’ve heard/seen some of these:

  • A dude holding up a fish.
  • ”Professional Chipotle orderer.”
  • “Professional Netflix binger”
  • “I swiped right for your dog.”
  • “Gym is life.”
  • “I love food.”
  • The classic: “I love long walks on the beach.”
  • “idk what I’m doing here”
  • Just a pizza emoji
  • “I like to go on adventures.”
  • “Follow me on snapchat/IG/Twitter so I know its real.”
My Tinder profile!

So I’m sure, dear reader, that you have your own personal favorites of the dating app constants and cliches, but I figure I’d give my two cents as to what would make your profile, and in tandem, you, a tiny bit more of a “swipe right”.

  1. Pictures should be clear, nicely angled, and show your face.

Nice, clean selfies are an absolute must. I can’t tell you how many times I see profiles of folks shadowed in a sunset, show just their profile, or their back three-quarter angle. Let me see you!

2. Have photos of just you.

Ok, I get it: your dress/suit must’ve been the bomb.com during formal or on this particular outing with your friends, but some can’t be bothered to flip through group pictures and pick you out from a crowd. It’s great to know you’re sociable and have friends.. but I probably wanna date you. Not all of you.

3. Make your description memorable.

Look at my profile: I’m a total dweeb. Both lines have a rhyme to it, but I make an effort to keep things succinct, fun to read, while giving a little bit about myself and what I’m looking for. People can infer I’m a gamer, I like horror, and duh, I color my hair. They grasp my gender,and know I’m looking for someone witty, good-looking, and nerdy.

In short, I’m making it pretty clear as to what sort of person I am, all the while I keep things brief.

All that from just two lines! Don’t just list your major, and dude, everybody likes food and Netflix. You don’t have to write an essay, but I would like to know a little about what makes you special! We’ve been writing about ourselves since grade school, I’m sure you could muster up something that could make someone laugh or want to know more!

4. Put the fish away.


5. Mirror selfies of your abs aren’t necessary.

It ain’t the classiest thing to have a mirror selfie (especially with flash) showing off your shirtless bod. You might have a great one, but unless you want to come off as a dime-a-dozen dude bro, I’m going to pass. There are a lot of ways to show off your figure and a cute outfit can show off your definition in a very attractive way. Hey, the human body is seriously beautiful, and I’m not telling you to censor yourself or dismerit anything of the sort.. Just trying to keep you from being unmemorable!

6. Smile.

Don’t be shy! Show off that smile and show me those pearly whites. I get it, people wanna look like a badass or cynical, but that can only get you so far. I promise that if we meet in person, I don’t want you being a stick in the mud. Smiles are contagious, and good ones are definitely enough for a quick swipe right.

7. I don’t care if you think Tinder is dumb.

I love seeing bios that call Tinder stupid or a waste of time. The simple fact of the matter is: nobody cares. You signed up, you wrote your profile, you added pictures, and you’re actively swiping. You’re a part of this just like any one of us and you declaring your cynical disdain for this particular app, again, melts you into the crowd.

Well, some of these points may come off as a teeny bit obvious, but spending a chunk of time swiping and actually reading profiles could show off my thoughts in spades. Dating should be fun, and you should be proud to put yourself out there and explore the world of romance with the rest of us. We’re all on these sorts of apps for different things, but clarity, transparency, and honesty are all good things to show off for yourself.

Now, how about some coffee? I know a cute place nearby.

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