Women need to stop doing “office housework” right now.
I see you.
You’re the one that always unloads the dishwasher in the office kitchen.
You put snacks out when we have beers on a Friday.
If someone’s asks “how do I…?” you’ll pipe up with a helpful suggestion.
You’re there for a specific job. It’s not to clean up after your co-workers, but you make a point to wipe the surfaces down and leave a note up asking people to do the same before you go back to your desk.
You’re the one asked to put food out for clients or plan the office party.
You tried saying no recently because you had work to do for the specific job that you’re being paid to be there for but people complained about your lack of help. You didn’t want to be seen that way. Difficult. It might hurt your work relationships. Your career.
You were asked to circulate your notes round after that meeting, even though others were taking notes too. You were asked to send an email to a client because “you’re so much better at that type of thing.”
You carry on because it’s what you’ve always done. You get asked more than others but it’s the norm. Especially in our world, the digital marketing world.
Right?
I see you because I was that woman once.
I got tired of the extra work. The mental load that my male peers didn’t want to take on.
I started to say no. To negotiate the terms of what I was being asked.
I got asked to share my notes after a meeting and I suggested the person asking (who was very senior) shared theirs instead.
I ignored the start of December and decorating the office with Christmas decorations.
I started to not bother with buying birthday cards and ensuring everybody in the office signed them. I would send a personal email to the person instead.
If colleagues much junior than me came to me asking where the stationery lived I would feign ignorance and send them on a treasure hunt. They hadn’t even asked a male co-worker. He was always too busy.
I’ve burnt out twice in my career and it was for nothing.
I’ve taken on way too much work and too much mental and emotional baggage. I never wanted to be seen as unhelpful. I wanted to please. I believed it to show my value where I worked. It took it’s toll eventually and no-one would remember my contributions.
Depressingly, a New York Times article penned back in 2015 by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg cites a study that evaluated the contributions from male and female workers and concluded that this extra help in the workplace doesn’t even get women co-workers ahead in any way.
“Over and over, after giving identical help, a man was significantly more likely to be recommended for promotions, important projects, raises and bonuses. A woman had to help just to get the same rating as a man who didn’t help.”
It’s worse for women of colour in the workplace it seems, as recently discussed on BBC4 Womans’ Hour and HBR. It’s not like they have enough to deal with without having the extra burden of these tasks along with their own job.
Sigh.
I get the helpful articles and advice out there that suggest how to start saying no to these requests. Be a Prima Donna, learn to negotiate, be brave and nominate others.
I have a new idea.
This is for you if you work in an office, especially if you are a man or a senior employee at your company.
Stop asking women to solve this problem.
If you lead a company then you make sure you lead by example and stop asking just your female employees to do office admin.
Rotate the tasks needed to be done.
Make a note who is doing what and when. Don’t expect your female employee to always do this type of work.
This woman is there to do her normal job and each time you ask for paper for the printer, you eat into her working day. Asking all employees is democratic and fair.
Deferring to just to women in the workplace is sexist.
Until you start asking women and men, we can’t progress. Our time will be sucked up and we won’t get promoted or progress in our careers.
If she says no, she’s not difficult. She’s busy too. She’s already doing 60% more of the housework at home.
Be more like Richard Branson. He takes his own notes in a meeting.
If you can start solving the problem by asking more fairly and less often then we can help you for sure!
We’re not monsters.
We just want to help. A bit. Not all the time.
Thanks for reading!
Like this post? Please applaud it if you do! The claps make me happy.
I’m Vicki Jakes, a UK-based digital woman feminist lady. I am using Medium to write about my journey from employee mum to a business-owning one . You can see my last post below.
