Dating After 50 — Facing & Accepting Who You Are
You are not the woman you were in your 20’s, but like a fine wine you’ve gotten better with age. Face yourself in the mirror — it’s not nearly as bad as you might think it is. Make peace with the image that is staring back at you. Accept that you’ve aged.
You have earned every wrinkle, including your smile lines. So what if you have a few extra pounds, or you are too skinny. It doesn’t matter if you have cellulite or your skin tone is uneven. And it’s okay if you haven’t stayed focused like you should on getting into shape. Accept yourself for who you are. In fact, take a few minutes and name five positive things about the current you — come now, you can do it!
You have also grown emotionally and mentally. Accept that you are free to search for the companionship you desire. You’ve matured, you’ve lived life, and you’ve learned a lot about yourself. By the time you are in your 50’s you recognize that your relationships have patterns. You might even realize that many of your choices are deep rooted in your childhood experiences.
Each romantic involvement is like a mini act in a play. It might express our anger, our need for attention, or our desire for love. You might be surprised to learn that many of our relationships are trying to create an experience related to our childhood. Once you recognize this and understand what’s occurring you can change your choices.
For example, Ilene grew up with a father that was demanding. She could never do anything to please him. When she was young, he criticized her grades. When she was in university, he seldom bothered to call her except to complain about the gifts Ilene sent on birthdays or at Christmas. Ilene had a number of relationships with men who were overly controlling and critical. Like so many of us, Ilene chose a potential mate that had the same qualities as her father. We do this not because we want to be tortured by these childhood experiences but rather because we want to recreate the situation and have a different outcome.
Look at your past relationships and analyze why they didn’t work. You just may see a pattern here. Let’s take it a little further. Take some time to analyze your emotional and mental states. We all have our own quirks and faults. Recognize what those are and then accept them.
While self-growth is good, you should not try to change the person you are. Love yourself for who you have become. Work at your faults or things you don’t like about yourself. Self-help, and self-improvement are excellent tools. However, at the end of the day, if you want to find true love, you first must learn to love yourself, and stop being so critical of yourself.