How to Make Friends (as an Adult)
Since graduating and moving to a new city, I’ve had to start from scratch in terms of building a new community for myself. No one ever told me how hard it was to make friends as an adult! For me, even though I’m a super-extrovert, it’s a complicated process and I’m still learning how to do it. I wanted to reach out to some friends, who I look up to, for their tips and tricks. This is what they had to say:
(Scroll to the bottom for my conclusion.)
Chris Bellman:
Making friends outside of college is difficult. There aren’t many people fresh-out-of-college that live in the heart of DC (where I live). A lot of them opt to be further out of the city or across the river in Arlington. Thus, making friends based on proximity is a lot harder.
How I’ve been successful: 1. Using my network. One of my best friends in DC was my high school friend’s college roommate. Our mutual friend knew we were both moving there and set us up, and we hit it off. Unfortunately, she doesn’t live as close to me within the city as I’d have liked. Another story, I knew a friend (Brendan Kelly) at Ohio State who moved to DC the year above me. He introduced me to a few of his friends in DC, and one friend (Abby) and her roommate really hit it off. 2. Work. One of my best friends in the area is my coworker. This helped me meet some fun young people. 3. Randomly meeting people in bars. This hasn’t had a huge success rate, but I did meet two of my closest friends in DC randomly in bars. The key is following up with coffee or dinner after you meet someone to solidify the relationship.
How I haven’t been successful:
- Tinder. I don’t really use this or other apps for friends.
- Bars. I’ll put this here too. It’s hard to walk into a bar like “looking for friends!”. The two friends I made just kind of happened naturally.
Benjamin Alesi:
Meeting friends after graduation depends more on the amount of effort you put in. In college, we are surrounded by our peers and frequently run into friends much easier.
What I have found to be effective in meeting friends now that we are busier or moved away from the city to pursue another job is to take necessary steps to go journey outside the office.
Some examples which have proven successful in meeting people:
- Volunteering events
- Sports/Intramurals
- Young Professionals Group
- Happy Hour at work (If this doesn’t exist, create one!)
- Traveling
- Find a new hobby
These are just a few ideas on how to meet people. The key is to make an effort and pursue your interests.
Helpful links:
https://m.livingsocial.com/cities/56-cincinnati/deals
Joe Nurre:
Most of my friends post-college I have made through work. Most of them I have never actually worked with, but I have met them at happy hours, company events, playing intramural sports, through other friends, etc. A huge perk of Accenture is that a giant fraction of the US consulting workforce is in the mid-20’s to mid-30’s range, so it’s really easy to meet people. Regardless of what your job is, repeated interaction is key in building and maintaining relationships. Sports leagues are great because you’re forced to interact with the same people for a number of weeks in a row. Some friends and I also formed a book club that meets every 6–8 weeks. We each invite more friends, and now we all have larger networks. Finally, I’ve done some volunteering with the young adults group through my church, and I’ve met some interesting people that way. I guess all in all, you just have to make the decision to commit to something (or a few things) where you are likely to meet the types of people with which you want to surround yourself, and then you have to go do it with regularity!
Deep Shah:
Ah, I think this is a question and an issue that seems to plague many freshly out of undergrad-into-the-real-world people. However, my experience is slightly different from most because I went directly into a PhD program where I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by mainly people my own age, however, even that comes with its own issues. The entering class size is 21 and most of us didn’t know each other before we started grad school together. So, one might think (including me when I first started out), that it’ll be just like freshman year of undergrad, where everyone is looking for friends and that there’ll be ample opportunity to meet people outside your major and to make new friends. It’s not quite like that, we take the same classes with the same exact people, there aren’t dorms that you can use to build relationships with people completely out of your program, and life is genuinely a little busier where everyone has different priorities. Not to mention, as a grad student, you tend to live further from campus, where you and others from your program (and your first friends) live in different parts of town, so meeting up becomes yet another logistical nightmare. I was lucky enough to live with other students in my year whom I really like and enjoy going out with, but my roommates, and others from my program have been the only new friends I’ve made. Additionally, I have a couple of friends from undergrad in the area, so I’ll meet up with them and go to a bar or do something social and sometimes we might meet someone new, but that hasn’t led to some new, enlightening, lasting friendship. And in terms of trying to meet other people, the Berkeley Graduate Student Social Club tends to put on events, but even that feels weird to go to by yourself, so if no one from my program wants to go with me, then I’d skip the event. Additionally, I joined a graduate student group that focuses on my professional interests of clean energy and tech, and while I haven’t interacted in an informal setting with these other students, I hope to within the next few months as I build stronger relationships. All in all, my primary method of “meeting people” has been by going out and hopefully, friends of friends will show up. It’s a much more limited social circle when compared to undergrad, but it comes with its own perks — the ability to build stronger relationships with people whom you really enjoy being around.
Ruth De Guire:
Honestly, I haven’t. Despite joining a kickboxing gym and finding a location to volunteer, my unusual and long hours prevent me from connecting with people consistently. Without new friends, the day-to-day routine of my life now is defined by solitude. Surprisingly though, this has also led to a spring time in relationships with my family. I’ve gotten to know my in-laws and siblings better by sharing my struggles with them, and I believe it has made us closer than if I had found a new group in my new location. Establishing friendships takes time, and I am looking forward to doing that as I become more and more a part of the community in the city, but am grateful that I have been able to form new depths of friendship with those people who were already a part of my life.
Chris Carson:
I moved to Boston only knowing two people. I started hanging out with the people I knew just to see if it can lead to more social encounters. It ended up not working out. I eventually lost communication with the two people I knew. Eventually, I started hanging out more and more with my roommates. I met several of their friends and have become a regular in their social gatherings. As of now, I am using Tinder and Bumle to meet new people as well.
Trevor Bahner:
I would say I’ve continued to grow my friend group by being open to the new people I meet. There’s a tendency to become overly comfortable spending time with the people you already know very well, but I have found that new relationships can help me grow in all aspects of my life. I think it’s important to keep that in mind. I’ve purposefully invested in multiple relationships with my peers at work, and continue to use the social networks of people I have previously established relationships with to grow my own personal social network. I have a group of friends now in Cincinnati that is very mixed between people I have known for a while and people I have just recently met. I find that I enjoy the comfort of spending time with people I know and love, but also like to learn from the many different life experiences of people I may have just met. I would encourage attending work functions/gatherings that may be uncomfortable initially because they will lead to relationships you cannot make without investing some time and effort. I would also encourage regularly spending time with the people you are closest to, as those relationships give me a chance to unwind and truly be myself. Finding that balance isn’t always easy, especially because I am working a lot, but I think it’s been extremely beneficial to me at this point.
Anne Marie Eifel:
I’ve found it very difficult to make friends post-graduation which is something I wasn’t expecting. My biggest networks have come from work and my roommates. I would definitely encourage people to live with roommates and also to utilize their networks at work as much as possible. A lot of companies have volunteer groups or young professional groups. But my biggest piece of advice is to always say yes! When people ask you to go somewhere or do something say yes. You’ll meet people through friends of friends and putting yourself out there will really help.
Hafsa Khan:
So, post college most of my friends have been made through my creative outlets. As an artist, I’ve been to many different gallery openings, artists talks, parties and hosted exhibitions of my own. Through these experiences, I’ve found myself meeting people who enjoy the same things and have been building relationships through that avenue. In a professional setting, I work in a small office so my coworkers have become like my family. Friendships, for me, are more than social acquaintances. They take effort therefore their difficult to maintain. So I can understand the struggle in a post-grad life.
Mariam Hussain:
The best way I make friends now is reaching out and making connections…like contacting friends of friends who happen to live in the area I moved to get drinks/hang out. Then you have to maintain that relationship, and through that you’re introduced to more of their friends who in turn you can befriend.
Adrienne Scherz:
I struggled for a couple months when I fist moved to Cincinnati. Since grade school I have always had a reeeally close group of girl friends (5–7 girls). One of the hardest parts about moving to Cincinnati was that I realized none of them are here! Luckily, I work with pretty amazing people.. I found that work is the best place for me to meet people right now. Plus, some of them are from the area so I have got to know their friends.
Ryan Ivancic:
I’m still in cbus while a lot of my friends have moved away. I think I’ve made new friends by going out with some friends that I never did individually or while my better friends were here. as a result I’ve met their friends. I guess ive gotten to know some of my “lesser” friends and started hanging out in their circles.
Anna Lendl:
I make friends through mutual friends I know in new cities, parties of those friends, friends of co workers, and friends at meetups. I met a friend through air bnb too!
Alyssa Manning:
I have worked 3 new jobs since graduating, all of which I didn’t really know many people at all or well when I started them. It was just like college — I was thrown into a new, unfamiliar environment and I have to adapt. So I talk to people, get to know what they like, talk to them about it, get to know them, and let them know me. It’s been successful thus far!
Alex Jones:
During my co-op, I just made friends with people I worked with and I always was placed in Cincinnati so I kinda hung out with my parents most the time. I don’t think it’ll be relevant cause in Detroit I do plan on making friends (not sure how yet). I know that i will check out young professional orgs. Nearly every city has one or more.