being the one to make the first move (poem)

i’m looking at you all disappointed-like

because why didn’t you take the hint when i

reached my hand out across the table

and left it half a centimeter from yours

the meat of both my palms lying face up like

i was obviously beckoning for something

i wanted you to take the hint.

holding hands

but then you leaned back and crossed your arms

and i knew i had lost the chance

to grab your hands

it would have been nice if you had

just took the hint.

… but you didn’t and i wish you could read my mind sometimes

or take some risks sometimes

or reach harder for what you want

if you really wanted it

sometimes

###

i realize this is only a reflection of what i wish

i myself am capable of doing

capable of not wishing at 11:11 or being lucky

and nevertheless being able to hold your hand

i hate letting myself down

and i tried to convince myself that i hadn’t because

you were supposed to do it

but then i remember when i fancied myself as a

woman who would jumps to the gun first

i want to be the one who takes the initiative

that’s how i want to be (am right now…)

i’ll let me be it (make sure to look forward to it)

~

If you enjoyed this, consider my full book of poetry here:

italics; the world where our thoughts blind us

Or read another poem by me here on Medium:

in 2024, i’ll fall in love with hope again. (reflection + poem)

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