Anger

I’m so angry. I don’t know where to put my anger. To me, anger is a sign of weakness. I can’t share my anger. I have my anger. Anger lives in the back of my head away from everyone else. Sometimes, anger gets agitated and overwhelms all my emotions. I breathe anger. I think anger. I am anger. And then it subsides. Anger goes back into hibernation. I’m so angry.

I’m so angry because I ate three Costco chocolate chip cookies and Costco ice cream every day in 4th and 5th grade. I’m angry because I gained so much weight and became the insecure person I am today. I’m angry because I will never love my body and will never love myself. I’m angry because I’m not confident.

I’m angry because I didn’t take opportunities to try new things in middle school and create new friendships. I’m angry because I thought I was above everyone else and didn’t care to expand my horizons. I’m angry because I’m the socially stunted girl who hasn’t experienced a real social life. I’m angry because I won’t know how to make friends in college. I’m angry because I’m shy.

I’m angry because I didn’t work as hard as I should’ve. I’m angry because my academics don’t reflect the person I am. I’m angry because, in my eyes, my work has not paid off. I’m angry because I’m jealous of my friends. I’m angry because I can’t feel happy for them. I’m angry because I can only feel sorrow for myself. I’m angry because I’m sad.

I’m angry because I can’t maintain friendships. I’m angry because I can’t show love to those who show me love. I’m angry because those I love don’t love me back. I’m angry because I’ve failed.

I’m angry because I don’t know what the future holds for me. I’m angry because I don’t know where I will be six months from today. I’m angry because I’m afraid.

I’m angry because it hurts to show my emotions. I’m angry because it’s easier for anger to consume me instead of confronting my emotions. I’m angry because anger has woken up and taken over my brain. I’m angry because the only two emotions I can express are happiness and anger. I’m angry because I’m so guarded.

I am angry because I’m not happy.

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