Beautiful woman

I always want to hear you.

H. Nemesis Nyx
Jul 27, 2017 · 3 min read

I really appreciate you speaking up. I would never tell you to look away or to refrain from interjecting.

The truth is I’ve seen the very same thing with this guy and I cannot understand it. He’s surprise attacked me a few times. And there’s a definite pattern — he says something nice to engage me and then when I respond he replies with some of the most racist shit I’ve ever read in my life.

I have a hard time ignoring that shit (as you know) my approach here is to stay on point communicating MY lived experience. It’s not really for him. I am honoring my truth.

I don’t care how he responds. He just proves my point that white people are the people with a problem.

Here’s my reasoning. If you see flaws in my thought process, please tell me. I would follow you blindly. You’ve never led me astray.

I wrote down these two examples from my experience for lurkers who are trying to deal with their own cognitive dissonance. White people who have little to no experience building and being in relationship with people outside their own culture, but think they know something about those cultures because of the news or social media, etc.

The only way out for white people is through. And we are the ones who must change our behavior. I am trying to honor my teachers, trying to stay in the back, work with my own people — show them something different — that they are irrationally fearful because of their programming, but we can work together to correct that within ourselves.

We must learn boundaries, how to embrace differences and learn that fear need not be our default response to people we do not know. It is an illness. It is a maladaptive behavior and we can unlearn it, but we have to do the work.

Context matters.

Black LIVES Matter.

What this guy does or does not do is on him. I can put the information out there, after that, it is beyond my control.

When he is nice in a reply to me I use that an opportunity to talk about nice things that I remember, loving things — events and situations in which there were no villains.

When he turns I either do not respond or state firmly once — with evidence — that he is incorrect.

Rarely I go back and forth because it DOES feel like the Twilight Zone and it’s exhausting.

Ré Harris, I don’t mind putting my mental and emotional health on the line in this case. It is so important to me that I contribute. I value your perspective very much, so if you think it would be better if I did this differently, or if you think the balance I’m trying to strike is not going to be effective, please tell me so.

My audience is not always those who speak up or even hit the green heart. I write for them when replying to people like this guy… he isn’t going to change and I’m sure he is only sincere when he is not nice.

Do you think my posts could be harmful? Did I say something wrong or hurtful?

I can go back and read it again. I trust you. I promise I will hear you. And if you don’t feel like getting into it, I will respect that too.

Thank you for having my back as usual. You’re an amazing friend.

❤❤

H. Nemesis Nyx

Written by

One part cyborg; two parts glorious mess.

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