Hey there! Thanks for saying those nice things about me.
I find it interesting that all this time I haven’t felt very strong at all. I haven’t felt I was persevering, let alone thriving. Instead I’ve felt perpetually trapped in a state of survival mode.
I find it curious that people outside of me tell me they see strength and I struggle to believe the strength they are seeing is truly there.
I wonder why I in the past I have felt such shocked when I am accepted on equal footing with people of which I’ve been told I ought be weary or that I was taught to see as superior.
This latest turning point did not come with those kinds of insecurities.
This latest turn has felt more like a confirmation of the capacity and strength others have seen in me — I guess I’m finally beginning to see it within myself. This is how I know I have reached a new peak in my healing.
Though the mountain is high and the terrain presents many opportunities for set backs, falls and broken parts, I continue to reach forward. My grip lands in the wrong place sometimes and I fall. I get back up, if only to my knees or if I must I slide my belly atop the rocky and sharp stone ignoring the scratches and scars of my wounded skin. The pain of my wounds eventually produces an adreniline strong enough that I may return to my feet and continue on my journey upward.
I guess that’s what strength, determination and perseverance looks like on me. On the inside it doesn’t feel that way when my coping mechanisms become unhealthy or I disassociate from my screaming body.
I don’t want to have a broken mind anymore. It is just so hard to reconcile these things, radically accept myself and integrate my wounds along the timeline that is my life.
Being seen and accepted is so important to healing minds injured by trauma. Being seen by those who can support you as you stand upright again is crucial.
Leadership can solve the problem of lack of diversity in any industry. It is completely within their power to do so. I must do my part by telling them when they get it right on a ratio of 3 to 1— one improvement opportunity for every three atta boy’s.
On the flip side, I must allow other minorities to express their fear, meet that fear with a face of understanding, compassion and acceptance that they should feel safe to join me.
I want everyone to have the same opportunity as me and I will not stop sliding my bloodied belly atop that stone until I die or I see that they do.