I hadn’t really fully thought through what actually bothers ME personally about the misdirected empathy.
I just know it doesn’t help my family members. But YOU have hit the button with this — two words — “how convenient.” I’d add to it if it were me. It would have three words — “how FUCKING convenient.”
Because until just now I wasn’t all that angry. I was trying to see this as a compliment — “they care about me and that’s nice of them.”
And so everyone (who may be reading) is clear — I’m not talking about one specific person — today wasn’t the first day anyone expressed concern for my well being in this context.
But now I’m mad! I’m mad because distraction! I’m mad because what the fuck!?! If people see me falling apart and breathing hell fire like a dragon on spoilt peyote because FUCK YOU RACISM — I AM FUCKING SICK OF YOU! And their response is to worry about ME, because I’m an “issue they can handle,” I’m fucking pocket sized — but they don’t think to focus on the root of my scorn, instead they want ME to feel better.
I DO NOT WANT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT!
Why should I feel better? Why should I feel normal about madness? Who feels normal and ok surrounded by complete insanity?!?
It is not ok to hate others, harm others, intensionally BLOCK others from getting things they need to survive — medical care, housing, education, MOTHER FUCKING FOOD! Because of their skin color!
That is MADNESS! It is an affront to the universe! It is unacceptable and I don’t ever want to feel better about it. I want it wiped off the planet. Gone from my presence.
I barely leave my house. Do you know that, Tim Barrus? I am sure you know this, the thing that makes us not want to see other people in the world — because their madness could get on us!
We are at risk. That denial and convenient distraction is always lurking… I wonder what Kardashian is doing? Wait, no I fucking don’t. I don’t care.
I care about human beings murdered for minor offenses or in some cases no offense at all! I care about justice. I care about fairness!
I fucking care that the god damn CDC is racist and won’t help your boys.
I don’t want to feel better about it. I don’t think I should. What am I going to do? Am I supposed to paint my walls a lovely rose pink and call it a fucking day?!?
No no. This is ungodly. It is not what we as people are supposed to fucking do. We are supposed to be a family. We are supposed to care about each other. We are supposed to recognize that when one person hurts through injustice and neglect we ALL suffer.
Our success and failure are directly and forever linked. Until we all understand this basic natural fact, we are fucking doomed.
Thank you for the fuel, Tim. My fire was burning, but it needed a couple of logs.
Those two words did just the trick.
Love to you and your boys,