I am not a Separatist.
But I am in this case.
I agree, Ayesha Talib Wissanji, These two things should never really touch. Specifically:
- SEXUAL DESIRE
A venn diagram could help, but I don’t have one nor the time to make it. So I am going to use a rather silly analogy to discuss this — I’m thinking it might take some of the ‘emotion’ out of it.
Dominance as a matter of it’s own, is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. We can “Dominate” in sports, “dominate” at work with our high performance and “dominate” in Cyborg Adventure writing. And we can even DOMINATE in the bedroom — Ooolah lah.
Naturally, we have to be dedicated to dominate in any of those positive manifestations of the word.
Once VIOLATION of another person enters the picture, dominate takes on a whole new meaning. It is no longer the RESULT of hard work, determination, grit and passion — it is now in the drivers seat. And that’s when things go wrong.
Because once the DESIRE to be great — in sport, at work, Cyborg Adventure writing and the bedroom (oooolah lah) becomes the PASSENGER — we are in a highly disordered state.
Now, we are DOMINATING for the sake of itself. Because our DESIRE is to DOMINATE.
(Not very sexy, folks)
One Person’s Violation of Another — Unwanted Sexual ‘Stuff’ without Consent.
Sexual desire is not necessary for the perpetrator to engage in such a thing and most often sexual desire is completely absent. There is a void there replaced by the DESIRE to DOMINATE over others.
Turns out we can blanket meaning just about anything and get ourselves all jacked up…
“Desire” isn’t exclusive to SEX and DOMINATE isn’t exclusive to RAPE.
The words are neither good or bad.
It is the ORDER of the WORDS and the context that matters.
Therefore I give you:
Toothpaste and Orange Juice.
A Tale of Two FOES
Hi folks! I’m toothpaste. I am really good for you and your teeth. I don’t even taste that bad once you get used to me.
But there are somethings that you may want to make sure you don’t drink or eat immediately after you brush your teeth with me.
Because WE DON’T BELONG TOGETHER.
Hi everyone! I am orange juice. I am good, basically.
But I taste really really gross if you drink me right after you brush your teeth. So I am not to be drank after teeth brushing…
EVER. Ever. Ever.
- In other words, MUTUAL SEXUAL Desire before CONSENTED Domination, WONDERFUL.
- DOMINATION Driven by DESIRE to SEXUALLY DOMINATE AND LACKING MUTUAL CONSENT, RAPE.
“Sexual Desire” is not part of the second context, desire is there, but it doesn’t look the same. And by the way, some Rapists DO achieve sexual “gratification” while raping — but this is because of their “successful domination sexually.”
See how the words are all not in the same order? This stuff is being exploited by the “talking point” people. It’s more complex than a damn sound bite.