I dig you Jewels.
And I respect you.
I also agree. To my eyes much of the stuff that goes on around this topic especially with those who were not here for it, is subtle messaging and taking advantage of the facts you listed. This is why I have stated my perspective of the “goings on” publicly multiple times.
I do not want to be misconstrued. I support you and whomever else would like to engage with whomever they feel comfortable engaging.
The thing that gets my dander up is when someone suggests I’m wrong for not engaging with whomever they engage with or suggests that I shouldn’t engage with those that I enjoy in a mean, underhanded or disrespectful way.
Because I wouldn’t do that to someone else. If I block Sarah (which I don’t want to, but I could) or she blocks me (which is her right to do so if she feels so inclined), I would not expect you to follow either one of us in our independent choices.
If you felt the need, I’m going to be supportive, and that will be easy for me because you also would not expect me to choose the same thing you have chosen just because you chose it.
It bothers me when I feel someone seems to be asking my permission to enmesh in that way. I can be friends with people who are also friends with others I don’t get along with. And I don’t expect that everyone I like will be for everyone I like.
Hell, I am not for everyone.
And that is absolutely ok with me as long as people are allowed to make their own choices about me and not having their view of me all fogged up by someone who has decided I’m not for them — in the dark, where I cannot defend myself — that is not fair. It is sneaky. It is everything the person in this particular scenario (not Sarah) was claiming that others were doing to her.
The only person engaging in that behavior was her in the first place. Everyone else has been openly discussing FACTS and not smearing or trying to get people to “take their side.”
Although if I were Sarah or someone else who wasn’t here when it all happened, I wouldn’t know which end was up for all the reasons you said.
Which is why it is so fucking insidious and maddening. Now if I stand up for myself and tell MY truth — in the light of day — I am opening myself up to additional accusations.
In this particular discussion with you, Jewels, I have not felt even one single time that you are trying to change my mind about my own personal choices. Instead, you’ve only enriched the conversation, progressing the *think* to include other perspectives, all while displaying empathy and compassion for mine.
I am sure if we tried hard enough we could find something to disagree on. I am equally sure you would not try to force your beliefs or perspective onto me. That behavior is why I got angry with Sarah.
It is a trigger for ME. But that doesn’t make her “bad,” I just didn’t appreciate it. Saying so doesn’t make me bad either.
I choose to lay it all out on the table, let the chips fall where they may, because if people are going to read what I wrote here and decide I’m some asshole, catty, cliquey jerk — if they let that seed grow based on this — that’s their loss.
It sucks, but there’s nothing I can do about it except have basic human respect for that person’s right to say:
“Cyborg is not for me.”
And keep on moving.