But, this reminds me of when I walked out of that beautiful house, locked arms with my dad and said:
“I feel fucking ridiculous.”
And then proceeded to laugh HYSTERICALLY. The entire way up the aisle. I could not stop laughing. My dad said:
“Hey you, you better quit that laughing.”
In the sweetest way.
If I’m honest, I laughed because I knew where it was heading. I laughed because inside I knew I had no business promising to love that man in front of all those people for the rest of my life, because I knew I couldn’t.
I knew who he was and they didn’t. I lied because I didn’t know what else to do. I laughed because I didn’t see a way out and I had no where to run.
Sometimes I laugh really hard when I’m sad.
At that time, I didn’t think I deserved the kind of solace that often accompanies my tears.
I loved your story, by the way.