Thanks for the nice response, H.

I get this completely.

But it doesn’t matter.

What I think you haven’t considered is that it might not be about this ONE man I am talking to, it might be about something else, someone else, entirely.


Maybe there’s a young boy who is confused. Maybe there is a man reading what I am writing, from a distance. Maybe there is a young girl who sees me standing up for myself. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe something I say sticks and does that CLICK — CLICK.

It isn’t about HIM. It is about ME.

It is about my desire to move others. Someone will get something out of it. That much is true. Maybe someone will think, “damn, that’s just what I wanted to say too,” and that will feel good to know.

It is about my desire to be supportive of others. If someone wants to fight with an author who pours out their heart, I’ll gladly play ball. Because I understand that sometimes the distractive nature of these people can actually block healing for them. Maybe they see me defending their work and that makes them feel stronger too. I’ve been told that sometimes happens because of some things that I do and this helps me as well.

It is about my desire to be moved. I read what I write too. Lots of times I’m talking to myself just as I talk to you, because it gives me confidence when I see the things that I say. Especially when people engage with it, identify with it and respect it too.

It is about my desire to grow myself. Because I need the practice. We all have communication styles — primary and default under stress. My default under stress is FIGHT. So, if I fight here and not out in the world, it does me some good. And when I fight here and read it later, I can see holes in my thinking. I can see more clearly where I am struggling with dissonance and need to clean it up.

This isn’t for everyone. Some people think it is quite foolish. But understand that I know very well what I am doing, so there’s no need to get protective. When I need help, I will ask for it, very loud and clear. See, this also helps me understand when I need help and how to ask too. That’s all new.

I’m not angry with you and I do appreciate your concern, but I am ok with who I am and how I interact here. Actually, I am more than ok about it. You’re more than welcome to let me know your thoughts. It is more than ok if you disagree.

TO: nderground