I get this. I really do.
There are certain things, well… let’s just say certain ways of comforting a person without this problem do not help me. I tend to think someone is trying to trick me if they say certain words or argue with my feelings. Sometimes things that people believe are the most comforting thing they could possibly say are things I find most cruel.
In the end our brains are hopelessly unique which is why finding solutions to these puzzles is so complicated. No two brains are alike… Where I am impacted from even similar experiences likely varies greatly from where you are even within our brain’s structural composition. So yeah, that’s why I couldn’t be all, “do this it is *the* answer.”
If only it were that simple. I’d tell you. You’d tell me. We would be free of it in no time. Doesn’t work that way.
I can’t take meds for this — every single one I have tried results in my imagining ways I could ‘accidentally die.’ So, medication is completely off the table for me. I know other people who swear by certain medications…
If only it were that simple.
And you know something else, while I was reading your piece I so related to the superficial supporter. I relate. People saying they understand, but when I am in a puddle in the closet they don’t change their expectations for me, or they do and then resent me for it later. Or they don’t do either, just feel owed for having been a witness.
It is like a miracle when I find other people who know it, understand it and accept that none of us have the answer because if we did we wouldn’t have to keep looking for it.
“It will be in the last place we look, because once found we’d stop looking.”