I Tend to Blame Myself for the Loss of My Brother

I hate that you are blaming yourself for this! I HATE IT!

I understand it.


He can get out of it. There is still hope and he will have the best support the world has ever known when he does — YOU. That much is certain.

You have to take care of yourself, before you can help others, Tino Hadley. You know that right? This is an illness that can befall anyone. This is NOT YOUR FAULT.


The choices he made in the beginning were his choices alone, but something important about addiction is that it captures your very soul. If you could think of this as a battle HE is fighting inside himself — with his addition — that person is not HIM.

He can come back from this, but it will be very very hard. He might come back for a moment and then fall backwards again. It might take a few tries.

But, Tino, you have to forgive yourself, RIGHT NOW. Because if you don’t when he does get a little sunshine on his face, he won’t recognize you. And he needs you, healthy and whole. Blame and shame are meaningless. They won’t help either of you.

So I am calling you out.

Because I think that’s what sisters should do.

Be nice to my brother!
I will tell on you!

Get rest. Touch base from a distance. Help out if you feel it isn’t enabling the addition. But YOUR NUMBER 1 priority is to take care of YOU.

You deserve an education, we’ve talked about this before. You have a right to follow your dreams. You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. YOU DID THAT and it was NEVER THE WRONG THING TO DO.

Survivors guilt is vicious. I don’t want to see that shit on you. Just remember,

Be Nice to MY Brother. Or I am TELLING.


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