I see your point. I agree with you about putting messages out that undermine others. That’s definitely sneaky and it absolutely hurts the team in all the ways you said.
I think there’s a difference between that and stereotypes against women in general. The truth is (sadly) whether this guy writes them out (as he did) and distributes them or not, those stereo types are present. I would know something about that…
Not talking about them openly is problematic. I don’t think we should talk about them as if they are correct assumptions, but that water cooler hush talk adds a veil of validity, plants a seed that cannot be uprooted about an individual that poisons the well of the team — largely in secret.
What would happen if the team openly talked about it instead? How would it work out if teams had to respect each other enough to be direct? I think Tim would get help with his weaknesses if the team had to confront it directly and they might not be so keen on making crap up if their target was standing in front of them.
Same is true for beliefs like the ones this guy has. If he could stand up and make these statements in front of people who would refute them, he could change his mind. If not, company leadership can show support to the targeted group in that scenario. How they do that, I’m not sure yet. But critical conversations must be had here.
Asking questions or having misguided beliefs is not wrong. It’s how the person is helped into healthier ways of thinking that makes the difference. Can’t do that if you don’t know the maladaptive thought patterns are there in the first place.
And we may find out that some minds won’t be changed. They will find something else to do because this change is happening. People won’t drag these guys kicking and screaming. I’d rather know I’m dealing with a sexist person rather then simply suspect them.
Hushed undermining works because it happens in places where the target cannot defend themselves. Unveiling it takes the secret sting out. But maybe all of the above is complete bullshit and you’re right?
I don’t really know. I have my ideas. I’d like to know your thoughts on them if you feel like sharing.
