I was unclear. What I meant was, the first time I was conscious of it.

I also do not know when it first happened.

But something just occurred to me, I never knew what it was and always thought it was a normal thing that happened to everyone. Then I was diagnosed with PTSD in May of 2012.

I wonder if having language for it made me pay attention to how it felt? I wonder if that wasn’t why I got afraid of them?

Because before that I wasn’t paying any attention to it. I — like you — have had this “thing” since I was a very young child. There are huge blank spots where memories should be…

This is fascinating. I’m honestly sitting here wondering if the diagnosis itself has caused some of my anxiety about the symptoms. And if so, does that mean — for at least the fears centered on the triggers going off in public — if I might be able to manage THOSE better? Also, how could I know which is coming from where — I feel like this might be a big deal if we could some how put this into language and figure out how to sort through the difference between the fears triggered from the trauma and the fears triggered from the diagnosis.

I don’t know if your experience is similar in that respect. For me the “officialness” of seeing that code on my medical bills felt like a clear line in the sand. I was “different” forever now. I was marked or something.

YIKES!

What are your thoughts on that, Phil LeStein?