OCD.

Sometimes, I have it.

H. Nemesis Nyx
Jul 22, 2017 · 3 min read

I thought about creating a separate post for this, but it doesn’t seem right to do so when all I want to do is amplify you.

I had to do some googling to get my brain around what happened in Justine’s case and how people are responding to it. Again, I was searching, “do I agree with you?” I decided I have no need or right and can’t even tell if one reaction vs another is right or wrong, save certain cases. For example:

FLAT OUT WRONG RESPONSE:

Will not provide link. Absolutely disgusting publication on seriously disgusting terrorist website claiming that Justine’s shooting was “yet another example of black on white violence.” Typing that makes me want to vomit.

You knew that would happen. I knew it too, but seeing it with my eyeballs has numbed me in a way that makes them less effective. Yeah, hard to have any empathy for people who could possibly twist this incident in that way. But they have done exactly that and there is absolutely ZERO excuse for that commentary and the lies included with it. I cannot link that shit stain site. I won’t contribute to the distribution of such bullshit, but it is out there.

PRODUCTIVE RESPONSE:

Loved ones of murdered people from similar incidents showed up at protests, assisted in organization, comforted Justine’s loved ones and asked for help. I think that’s a good thing. But I also think it’s perfectly ok to not engage. I don’t get to decide what’s right for some or wrong for others.

Those who have been in the fight for a long time saw an opportunity — not in a negative way — just knew they could support AND network for support for those they lost. Identifying a common ground and asking for help is productive, warranted and just smart. Good for them. And fuck any of those people who can’t give back after being supported in that way if they don’t respond in kind, that would be terrible.

Taking a calculated risk to show up despite the fact that most of those they showed up for did not showed up for them takes a certain strength that I am not sure I would have. I would have a hard time marching with people who ignored me the first time I walked down that street.

I think the fact that they were able to get past such indifference demonstrates a commitment to solutions. At the same time, I would never judge anyone who couldn’t stomach it, for all the reasons you mentioned before.

I see all perspectives save the flat out wrong one. I cannot force myself to have empathy for anyone who paints this incident in alternative facts.

But I can understand having apathy for Justine after the mile long list of incidents where whites were no shows on the streets. I can also understand the desire to be productive and find a silver lining, make connections and ask for help.

I see both responses and any channeling of either as equally valid reactions. I think if I were to fall on either side, I’d probably choose ‘numbing.’ I would probably sit the Justine effort out because I would be far too angry with the people needing help to be productive and it would hurt me too much knowing I was showing up for people who turned their backs on me when I needed them the most.

So yeah, I guess I agree with you.

And fuck this whole thing.

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    One part cyborg; two parts glorious mess.

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