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Of all the reasons.

To hate the piece you have written about (not what you’ve said about it)

This is “THE REASON”

For me.

“If she hasn’t looked up at you…”

Do I need to “femsplain” this?

NAH, let’s talk about something else.

The author of the original piece needs to do some stuff I think. Stuff like, I don’t know, maybe make some friends who aren’t jerks, so he can learn to also not jerk. He could maybe stand to take a class on non-verbal communication too.

I don’t understand why this is a thing. I don’t understand why having certain body parts seems to indicate to some that what our day involves, what we are doing and our very clear boundary signals are meaningless.

It is no wonder we are such “mysteries” to men especially. We have learned not to ask for what we want. Just in this example, by putting headphones on, we are asking to be “left alone.”

Speaking in binary gender terms only, from here forward because I don’t have a reference point for better inclusion —

I apologize for that, I don’t intend to leave anyone out.

As our “asks” go unanswered, we learn not to bother with making requests. And then we proceed to ‘passively’ suggest that maybe, uh, um, we could have, uh, um, a need we’d like our partner — in this example a man — to fill…

Then he doesn’t know what we want. If he’s as devoted as some of you clearly are (hi Heath Houston & Jack Herlocker), he can become frustrated, nervous and feel as though he will never be good enough for us.

And that breaks my heart, Elliot Nichols. It really does. I can imagine how frightening it might be for a man who just wants the woman he loves to be happy, he knows she needs “a thing,” but she can’t say what the thing is; she can’t because her requests have been blatantly ignored by others throughout her entire life.

Because turds on sticks write shitty “how-to completely invalidate, ignore and disrespect another person, it’s ok, she’s just a woman,” articles and the men without the guidance, those dipped in the battery acid that is our culture actually take the advice.

What a vicious cycle. What a sad thing to do. Look at how we hurt each other. Look at what this asshole did.

If I were a man I would be furious. Because I would want to know what my partner needed. And every time she couldn’t tell me, because she is afraid of being ignored, I’d want to punch that author right in the face.

I’m sorry this asshole has taken it upon himself to teach others how to ignore women’s boundaries. I’m sorry for any woman wearing headphones that has the displeasure of being “looked down at…” by the author especially.

But I am also deeply sad about the way it affects us when it happens. I am deeply sorry that the violation ultimately hurts good, kindhearted and respectful men who want to fill the needs of their partners.

I’m sorry to you, Elliot, to Health and to Jack too. I’m sorry to any men out there who are dying to fill the need, if they only knew what the thing was that could fill it.


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