Oh yeah, the fishbowl.

I had forgotten to mention the “fish-bowl-on-head-sounds” — when I speak out loud in that state, that’s exactly what it sounds like and the world around me does too.

The sound is like I have a bad cold, like my ears are plugged with water or the yucky stuff that plugs them up when I’m sick.

People have said, “I was beside myself.” And until I had dissociative episodes, I thought that was a very bazaar expression. But that is what it is like for me.

I am “beside myself” — or somewhat above. The key to the description being — “on the outside, looking at.”

There is no ‘in’ to look — because ‘in’ is now ‘out.’

It is a separation of self from the self. It is absolutely terrifying the first time it happens. It does get somewhat less freaky, but that fear of death takes hold. Leaving me to wonder if this is what I will feel when my soul decides it is time to go home.