This is something that I often think about.
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The Love Bomb.

GREAT QUESTION!

Online it is even HARDER to know for sure.

What does your gut tell you?

How do the compliments received from the person in question differ when compared to the compliments of others? Do they match in their enthusiasm? Even with that knowledge it is sometimes hard to know — some people are just more passionate than others, right? So how do you know?

The truth is, the “love bomb” is a matter of gut feeling, language, other actions and observations — taken on a whole spectrum. I mean, the whole of a person is usually NOT something we can really see in just one complimentary post. Also, are they complimenting you everywhere? Are they asking you for email addresses inside these compliments or leading you in some kind of way to want to give them your personal information?

I gave you a compliment, but what I still have and will continue to show is a healthy boundary between you and myself. I’m not going to ask you for your phone number right now. (sorry, I mean no offense)…

Does the interaction evolve to greater closeness or intimacy over time, or is the whole of the thing presented in that first interaction? Does it seem like it is “too good to be believed?”

I agree that we can always strive to accept compliments, because doing so implies we accept the person delivering them AND that person’s thoughts, but that doesn’t mean we let them IN because of their words of kindness alone.

Their words and actions must match — or their words don’t mean much of anything.

The tell-tell signs always rest inside ourselves — how does the compliment make you actually feel? And the clearest way to know is looking at actions and words to see if they match. Does the person do what they say they will do? Does the tone match the words?

This is only one part of a much bigger picture. I cannot ever just look at one of these tactics and decide the type of person I dealing with. People are complex, it isn’t black and white, you know?

This is why I said in the piece that for me the one true test of a “safe” vs. “unsafe” person is how they respond to my request for changed behavior.

The “love bombing” / seduction thing is just one of the red flags, but it isn’t the whole story by a long shot.

This article might help: Top 10 traits of unsafe people

Thanks for the question. :)

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