Toxic people are everywhere! Racist people are like the epitome of toxicity to the 100th power.

And make no mistake, your former token collector pretend friends are racists.

I feel like you would have considered it a teaching moment for them, accepted an honest apology, but they did not give you that opportunity.

Because they are also unsafe people.

Unsafe people do not respond to request for change in a non-toxic way. If you ask them to stop doing something that’s hurting you, they will say, “no.” When you ask them why, the answer will be about YOU. They might say any of the following:

• Because you are an idiot
• You’re too sensitive
• You did X thing a zillion years ago to me that I never told you about, so now you know how I feel
• You are to blame
• Why do you expect me to be perfect
• I think your perception is wrong
• That never happened!
• You are making it up

And so on… the really really really toxic will even get upset with YOU for “making them feel bad.”

It is crazy-making. I’m so so glad you freed yourself from that stuff. Narcissists love to play these hateful games.

You deserve friends who love all of you. And when we open ourselves to others we are going to get hurt, we will also hurt others…

The way we respond when we hurt others is the clearest sign of safety. You didn’t do anything wrong by showing them your hurt, speaking your truth. They just didn’t honor you and treat that gift with the respect and kindness it so deserved.