Unsolicited feedback —
I think your concepts are solid. I like why you’re writing and what you’re saying. I think you’re working too hard to rhyme. This statement is a good example. You could have ended with the word ‘humans’ and the lack of rhyme would have made the statement more blunt, direct and powerful.
Regardless, I’m enjoying your work. That’s just one small thing I noticed that could take it to the next level.
I look forward to reading more of your stuff.